LEAVING
14 days. 14 days till I see my family. 14 days till I’m home. I’m filled with expectant excitement for all that awaits me. I truly miss my family and seeing them all again for the first time will be one of the most joyous moments of my life. But it will be a tainted joy. Tainted with the loss of so much that has become my life for the past nine months. The greatest of these losses by far will be that of my new brothers. I’m honestly okay with the Race ending; but I’m filled with deep sorrow thinking about leaving this community that has become family to me. Leaving most of them indefinitely.
I’m seeking to stay present and enjoy this season the Lord’s given me while it’s still here. But it’s hard to stay present when a huge change is coming. Life is going to take a drastic turn; not for better or worse, just different. Every day things I’m enjoying here remind me that I’m leaving. Playing card games with my squad-mates, playing Dice BANG! with my team, watching the sunset over the African landscape, stargazing with these brothers, worshiping as a squad, having team time, quoting movies in every conversation with Joe, playing Chess while listening to movie scores. These are things I can do any time here, things I’ve taken for granted, but things that I won’t get to do back home. Things I’ve loved so dearly that I will never get again.
My World Race squad has been a community of passionate followers of Christ with their sights set on bringing Kingdom. I have come to know and love them as family. Our paths have crossed for this time but soon they will diverge. Though we may never see each other in this life again I’m thankful to have known them. To be encouraged, built up, inspired, and loved by them. To find joy and laughter and a genuine place of belonging among them. But now we are leaving.
The memories I’ve made these past nine months will last forever. I’ll always have a unique connection with these squad-mates because of the shared experience. Yet because of distance and time apart I know the friendships are bound to fade. With every work crew I’ve done it’s always been the same. Communication will surely lessen. Bonds will be lost. And I mourn the loss of this season I’ve loved so much. The loss of friendships that have meant so much but will surely fade and be forgotten.
Though friendships will fade, there will always be a love in my heart for each of them (even if it’s buried deep), and it will be rekindled one glorious day. Once again we will come together to live in the same house with the same Master, the same purpose, the same joy, the same love, and the same song to sing. We will have so much to talk about. I envision us reminiscing about all the good times we shared together and sharing about those that we didn’t. It will be so wonderful to be reunited with all the believers I have crossed paths with in this life. I will thank the Lord for the sweet time I had with each of them, whether it was long or short. And we will together sing praises to our Lord in His house forever.
The words of Pooh fill me with a lot of excitement and wonder for the life to come. “We’ll be friends forever won’t we Pooh?” asked Piglet. “Even longer,” Pooh answered. The relationships I build here truly will last forever. What joy the Lord has in store for us!
But for now the anticipation of separation is what fills my heart and head with sorrow. This is the end; but I’m so glad to have run this Race. The pain of leaving means that the love was real. So I’m glad for it. The Lord brought me here and I will praise Him for what He’s done. He called m here knowing the growth and the joys I would experience. And also the sadness and pain of leaving. Yet He called me here still. He didn’t call me to the growth and joy because it outweighed the pain and would be worth it. He uses all things for His purposes. This sorrow has purpose. So in this coming sorrow I will lean in on Him, my comforter.
LONELINESS
Though I’m excited for things back home, I’ll no longer have a community of peers seeking the Lord. I have grown used to constantly living with 7 other guys around my age whom I dearly love and enjoy, and there’s no way to ready my heart for losing that.
There are certain things that I will never be able to do without thinking of these nine months and eight brothers. Some of these include playing dice BANG!, Chess, or Settlers of Catan; watching any Marvel movie; listening to a movie score; reading Harry Potter; eating a PB&J; playing soccer, etc. I will do these things and remember and be thankful.
Growing up in the middle of nowhere with a very limited community I have always been used to having few friends that I can see on a regular basis. That ended up for my good though. It pushed me deeper towards my family and towards the Lord and I’m so glad for the foundation I have. But being among guys my own age who are crazy for the Lord has taught me so much about courage, vulnerability, accountability, authenticity, adventure, humor, leadership, passion, surrender, strength, and wisdom. I’m going to miss having these guys; this Band of Brothers.
There will be a hole in my heart without them though. But I stand in the truth that: “… I was made for God, my heart will never rest anywhere else, and nothing the world can offer will satisfy.” – Elizabeth Elliot. All companionship on this world is meant to mirror and point us to the union offered by and with God through Jesus Christ. In the coming season I will have to seek out brothers and trust that the Lord will give me all that I need. And I will rest my heart in Him even when I feel weary of being alone. For He is good and He will sustain me.
ONE MORE WEEK OF MINISTRY
I only have one more week of ministry! I would love prayers for my whole squad to finish this Race strong, to love on these kids with all our hearts, and to expect great things in this last week. Also, I badly twisted my ankle playing tag last week and it has been swollen for the last five days. I haven’t been able to do much physically other than walk around. Prayers that it wouldn’t be a hindrance to ministry and loving on these kids would be so appreciated. Thanks so much! Love y’all.
