I’m celebrating the Lord’s goodness! If you’ve read my last two blogs you know that the last couple weeks I’ve been focusing a lot on grace. I’ve wrestled with feeling convicted by my own lack of commitment to the Lord but also seeking grace. As I’ve struggled with my weaknesses I’ve had grace continually poured upon me. I have felt overwhelmed by God’s amazing love for me. That love reached a pinnacle and it’s lead to me making a rather ambitious commitment. As I’ve entered this commitment the Lord is filling me up with joy and peace. I’ve started to experience freedom like never before!
MY AMBITIOUS COMMITMENT
I am giving up the following things for the reminder of my time in Asia (and possibly beyond):
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All books that aren’t Christian or faith related
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Calvin and Hobbes
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All secular music
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All I-phone games
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Movies
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All Podcasts (except sermons)
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Facebook and Instagram
Note: I am okay with doing any of these things if it is with someone else on the team; for bonding.
These things aren’t bad. They are often beneficial even. But I know in my life they’ve often been used in unbeneficial ways. They are often used out of motives focused on my self; my rest, my entertainment, my pleasure. I believe the purpose of life is to enjoy God and to glorify Him. Therefore, these things should be used to seek God, to enjoy life with Him, and to glorify Him. I probably will allow most of these things back into my life; but only when I’m more likely to use them for these purposes.
I’m not just giving these things up and hoping I’ll become more intimate with Jesus. I want to actively seek Him through practices! Hebrews 12:1-2 and 11-13 are what I want to live out. I’m casting aside all weights and hindrances. How is this possible though? Only by keeping my eyes (more practically, my mind and thoughts) on Jesus; His love and His grace. I am disciplining my mind to be in constant communion with the Lord, to be ever upon Him and ever praising Him. For though discipline is painful it is sure to reap a bountiful harvest.
Let me explain more of what lead me to give up these things and to seek this discipline of my mind.
BROTHER LAWRENCE AND THE PRACTICE OF THE PRESENCE OF GOD
For the past few months I’ve been reading The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I’ve been so inspired throughout it and when I read the final chapter a few nights ago. In the last paragraph of the book Brother Lawrence says:
“O Loving Kindness so old and still so new, I have been too late of loving Thee. You are young my brethren; profit therefore I beseech you from my confession, that I cared to little to employ my early years for God. Consecrate all yours to His Love. If I had only known Him sooner, if I had only had someone to tell me then what I am telling you, I should not have so long delayed in loving Him. Believe me, count as lost each day you have not used in loving God.”
Brother Lawrence was regretful that he wasted away his younger years. I want to spend mine well. I want to build up the discipline of practicing God’s presence. Brother Lawrence says it’s hard at first. But he says it’s so worth it and I believe him. I want my Father completely. I want to be filled up by Him. But if I want Him completely shouldn’t I give up the things that distract me from Him?
For a while I’ve been wrestling with giving up all my delights that distract me from God. But I’ve noticed that when I neglect myself I end up falling even harder into sin. I need rest but living in discipline causes exhaustion. I want to enjoy these little things. The Lord has given me these delights. They are good. But isn’t He Himself better? Of course! But can I seek Him all the time and still find rest, delight, and satisfaction? It seems Brother Lawrence would say so. But how did he do it? I know I couldn’t do it through my own discipline.
So I went to the Lord asking what to do:
PRAYER
Lord, how blessed it is that you even listen to me. That you are delighted when I come before you. What a privilege it is! I come with a questioning heart. What should I do Lord? Am I crazy to do this? Everyone speaks of your grace and your giving me these delights to enjoy. But you are my great delight; the one I love most; yet the one I take most for granted. I don’t want to any longer. You are so good; you’re all I need! If I believe that then shouldn’t I put it to the test? If I believe that then why do I need these other things?
This commitment to focus on you alone will stretch me. Will it hinder me though? Am I not ready? There will be days I’ll be weary of seeking you and want to give up; days I don’t feel anything and it seems pointless to seek you alone. Give me comfort and strength in those days. Fill me with resolve and endurance. Let my eyes and mind always be on Jesus. There I will find comfort, but if not comfort, hope. Hope in your faithfulness to see me through.
HIS RESPONSE
In silence I listened for what the Lord might say: “As you are you are my delight. Your desire is genuine and pure and I am so proud of you. Take heart! Stay strong. I will be with you. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). As I continued to listen the song Amazing Grace came on. I was reminded that throughout this process I need to have grace on myself. In my weakness I need to remember grace and find restoration, rest, and peace in that. God is pleased before I do a thing. He is pleased despite my weakness. My weakness can bring Him glory when I seek His grace.
MY MOTIVATION IS IN GRACE
In the Lord’s response I found confirmation and also the key that I had been missing. The key is grace. In my ambitious discipline goals from the past I was focused on the law and myself. I was focused on keeping the law so as to achieve purity so that my pride would be appeased. Now my focus will be on God Himself. It will be on grace and on bringing Him glory.
The thorns in my side have taught me of God’s unending love; His amazing grace. They have brought me closer to Him with each failure as I understand His love more deeply. He has filled me with mercy upon mercy. Grace upon grace. Love upon love. I am continually torn and broken; continually stained crimson red with sin. But He has picked me up and mended my heart; He has washed me white as snow with His own blood. Every moment He is shaping me and washing me. I have experienced His overpowering love. I know I won’t follow Him perfectly. In this commitment I’ve made I will struggle. I will fail again and again. But His grace and mercy are new every moment. How could He, my wonderful Father, not have my heart?
DISTRUSTING MYSELF AND TRUSTING GOD
“The greatest glory we can give to God is to distrust our own strength utterly, and to commit wholly to His safe keeping.” – Brother Lawrence.
My strength is nothing. I can do nothing without my God. When I seek discipline I fail. When I think of all the things I’m giving up I grow worried I won’t find rest, peace or joy. That I’ll be exhausted and wearied as I discipline my mind. But this is focusing on myself. I need to keep my eyes on God alone. I don’t need to think of myself; when I entrust myself to Him all my needs will be taken care of. His hands are trustworthy. They always bring me to a land of bounty.
“My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from Him. He is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress; I will not be moved.” – Psalm 62:1-2
I trust and believe that the Lord will fill my soul with rest. He alone is where I find true rest. So shouldn’t I seek Him alone? Shouldn’t I cast aside all I can? I know the Lord wants me to enjoy life; to enjoy the delights He’s given me. But I believe by giving up these things I’ll actually be filled with more delight, in Him. And focusing on Him there will always be grace. I will be living in grace while also living in my delight.
WHY?
As I said above, I believe man’s purpose is to delight in God and to bring Him glory and I believe taking the steps I am will lead me closer to achieving that purpose.
But more honestly I’m doing this because I can’t help but do it. I cannot resist running into my Abba’s arms. In His arms I’m safe and warm. As a curious and foolish child I will be tempted to look around. I may even force myself out of His arms to seek satisfaction in other things. But His arms are always open wide. He alone is ever faithful; ever loving. He alone satisfies my aching heart. He alone is my delight. I want to experience that. In Him is goodness and glory. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He is my protecting Father. I want my eyes (my mind) to be focused on Jesus, for in His gaze is my complete satisfaction. He is the perfect Abba. I am letting go of all distractions and running to His arms; and there in my and His delight I’m going to stay. And probably, He will give me back some of the things I’ve given up. I’ll be all the more delighted enjoying them with Him in His arms.
YOUR THOUGHTS (AM I CRAZY?)
I know that a lot of what I said might seem ambitious; possibly unrealistic in light of how the world works; probably a little crazy. These are things that have crossed my mind at least. I’d love to hear your thoughts, wisdom, and experience with seeking the Lord wholeheartedly, practicing His presence, and the balance between delight/entertainment and distraction. Please let me know. I’m seeking to grow.
A FINAL WORD
The Lord has filled me up these past few days and I don’t want that to stop. I want to keep seeking Him. I’ve felt so alive. I know I can’t count on feelings. But I am encouraged by them as I start this journey. And I’m sure that the Lord will provide when things get hard and bring me to abundance.
This really is a test. A test to see what happens to my faith as I discipline my mind. A test to see what happens when I truly seek rest in God alone. I believe the result will be bountiful fruit in the presence of God.
Thank you so much for your prayers and support.
