DISCIPLESHIP OF BELIEVERS IN MYANMAR
So far my time in Myanmar has been really memorable. In the last few days I’ve handed out several hundred fliers for Teacher Mang’s English class, eaten some really good food, gone to some awesome bakeries, gotten sick and had one of the worst nights sleep of my life, quickly recovered and jumped back into ministry, seen one of the largest pagodas in the world, and grown to really love Myanmar and especially the Christians here. Much of that is due to an opportunity I had a few days ago.
Teacher Mang invited a few of us Racers to go help encourage some Christians in their faiths at a school and also to share our testimonies. I was expecting a small class room and encouraging students one on one. How my expectations were completely blown out of the water! Walking into the school we were met with 150 – 200 students passionately worshiping Jesus. It was awesome! Mang told us that at this Bible school kids from ages 16-25 come and for a whole year are discipled intensely.
Joe, Will, and I sat at the back and once the worship finished Teacher Mang went up and preached in Myanmar. He told us we’d each have around 20 minutes to share our testimonies in front of everyone. Although I couldn’t understand any of what Teacher Mang was saying it was really cool and encouraging to see how passionately he spoke and how attentive and receptive the students were. It also seemed that at every transition he was able to get them all to laugh. Throughout some of the break times some students got up to shake our hands. It felt kind of weird that they would even want to. They barely know me. All they know is that I’m American. It’s as if we are famous. Or that these people are just very friendly and genuinely excited to see foreigners. Either way it was such a warm welcoming.
Though I couldn’t help but wonder if they think too highly of us. Are they putting us on a pedastal because we are missionaries. I’m just like you I wanted to say. I’m nothing special. The only thing that’s put me here on this trip is opportunity; not any sort of gifting or talent.
First Joe was called up to share his testimony. Later Will. Soon enough it was my turn to share. As I started to share I felt so much love from everyone. Not only were they attentive, they were so encouraging and supportive. They amened. They cheered. I realized I wasn’t giving my testimony to strangers. I was giving it to family.
You all who have been supporting me and encouraging me on the Race are also my family so I wanted to share my testimony with you guys as well.
MY TESTIMONY
I grew up in Central Oregon at Young Life’s Washington Family Ranch in a community of about 150 people, an hour and a half from the nearest town. I truly did grow up in the middle of nowhere. It was a loving and supportive Christian community. It built a solid foundation for my faith. My parents were loving to me, my four siblings, and each other. They taught us and disciplined us in the way of Jesus. I accepted Jesus into my heart at the age of 5. I was very happy growing up. I treasure my memories from home.
But by middle school the few friends of my age had moved away. I started to isolate myself. I spent so much time reading; locked away in fantastic worlds of adventure and excitement. But my own life started to feel purposeless. My relationship with God at this point wasn’t personal. I did religious things such as reading my Bible, praying, worshiping, and serving to prove my worth and holiness rather than dedication to God grounded in a relationship with Him.
Around this time I started struggling with lust. I was so ashamed and guilty. I had always been considered the “perfect child”; I lived in the good graces of my parents and enjoyed that. But now I was living in disobedience to the God they had taught me was good and loving. There was so much shame. I was terrified of being found out. I tried to overcome my shame by spending more time reading the Bible and doing “good deeds” to earn back the approval of my Heavenly Father. But I kept falling back into sin. Whenever I stumbled again it added to my pile of guilt. This battle lasted for years.
The summer after my Freshman year I did work crew. Work crew is a month long volunteer experience where 40ish Jesus loving high school kids serve together on a Young Life camp. God completely changed my heart while I was there serving. I was in a community of vulnerability and openness. I learned how to spend meaningful time with God. I was extremely tired and had to rely on God. And despite the fact I was working more than ever in my life I was filled with joy I had never known. I came back home with a personal relationship with God and I had never felt so alive.
Getting back from work crew the Lord brought about complete freedom from lust for me! I was able to pursue the Lord wholeheartedly without anything holding me back. Throughout sophomore year I sought Jesus. In the good, the hard, and the mundane I relied on God. He was my constant companion and brought me great comfort as I continued to grow in faith.
I continued to follow and serve God as best I could. The beginning of my junior year the Lord brought the Word Race to my heart. I did not want to do it. I was afraid. I fought with the Lord. I don’t have any special talents or gifts. I’m not a people person; I’m an introvert! I’ve never been much of a camping person. I’ve never been on a mission trip before; let alone a nine month one!
For a few months I wrestled with the Lord about the Race. The Lord kept the Race on my heart every day for months despite my uncertainties. Eventually I realized that He truly was calling me to do it! Ignoring Him would be disobedience. I decided I had to do it. Once I decided on this there was peace.
Throughout junior year I developed a sense of pride. I wasn’t struggling with anything. There weren’t any considerable sins in my life that I could see. I enjoyed serving the Lord. I enjoyed serving my parents. I was the “perfect child” again. And now I had decided to go on a nine month mission trip. I’m a pretty great guy all around, I would think. I never showed pride though. That just added to it. Most people probably would have considered me a humble person. I would have agreed with them wholeheartedly!
That spring I fell back into the struggle of lust. I was so frustrated with myself because I thought I had overcome it. As the Race loomed nearer during senior year, I thought I had to figure this out. I can’t go on a nine month mission trip while I’m struggling with this sin. I focused so much on discipline and grit and choosing denial. But still I struggled. I was so upset with myself. How could I claim to love God when I chose to repeatedly sin. How could I continue to sin when this loving God continued to forgive? Why was I such a disobedient and entitled child?
But that spring I really started to first experience God’s grace. I realized His grace is not an excuse to sin, but only as I start to experience His grace and unfathomable love will I have the motivation to be disciplined and obey Him. Throughout that time and even here on the Race as I’ve continued in those struggles I’ve learned a lot.
God loves me. He truly does. No matter what I’ve done or choose to do He will always love. Only by the grace of God am I able to love Him back. I cannot save myself; I cannot be obedient on my own. Only in light of His love and as I am filled up by His love can I love Him in return.
God is already pleased. I don’t need to do a thing to make Him pleased with me. This goes against everything in me as a perfectionist and hard worker. I’ve always lived asking God: “What do you want me to do?” I still ask that question a lot. But really I think His answer isn’t what I want it to be. It isn’t to do a certain thing or to go to a certain place. It is simply to know that He loves me and to live in that love.
Everything in me wants to beat this struggle! Everything in me wants to serve God wholeheartedly and live righteously. And maybe one day I will beat this struggle. But the Lord isn’t willing to wait around while I fight this battle. He wants me now! He wants to use me now; imperfect as I am. Because I will always be imperfect. I have to be willing to serve in the imperfection. 1 Corinthians 1:27 says that God uses the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
Also, righteousness isn’t something I can earn. I’ve fought so hard for it my whole life. But it is impossible. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But through God’s blood I am made righteous. Even Paul had the thorn in His flesh. Three times he asked God to take it away but each time the Lord just replied; “My grace is sufficient for you.” I’m still seeking purity and victory in Christ; but I know that my righteousness is not dependent on this. I know the Lord’s pleasure and delight in me is not dependent on this.
God loves me just the way I am! So much so that He isn’t going to leave me this way. He is going to shape me and mold me just as He sees fit for I am His workmanship. Following Jesus I am going to become more and more like Him; that may not be in the ways I want; but it will be in the way He wants. Hosanna for God’s amazing grace! Hosanna for God’s fabulous love! Hosanna for God’s great goodness! Hosanna that I’ll never ever be the same and that every day He is shaping me to be the man of God He desires. Hosanna for His sovereignty. Hosanna that every hardship is and has been used for His good purpose! Hallelujah Lord God almighty! You are my one desire and delight. Help me to continue to trust you more and more as I go through this life you’ve stretched out for me.
