It’s crazy that this is the last blog post I’m going to make for my Spiritual Formation course through Truett. This course and the timing of taking it during my time on the Race has really helped grow me in intimacy with God. And that same intimacy is leading me into a place of full surrender of myself and my will to God and His will.
Especially the last two weeks of the course helped me to really live in the promises of God. God is always with me. He loves me intimately and has a good plan for me. He is intrinsically love-able and worthy of all praise. He is sovereign and He is for me. He has already won the battle! He is always listening, always working, always orchestrating, always loving on His children.
INTIMACY AND THE BATTLE WITH MYSELF
This has led me into a place of un-explainable peace and joy. How could these promises not fill me with rejoicing? How could they not fill my soul with joyful songs of praise? How could they not give me a desire to serve Him for the rest of my days? As I am continually learning to be enraptured in His presence throughout my days I am filled with peace and contentment. And as this grows, the desire to share this with others also does. Not only did Jesus command going and sharing the Good News, but now I have such a deep relationship with Him that I have a passionate desire within myself to do it! My soul 100% longs to jump right out and follow.
But there is another side of me that I am still learning to put to death. This side of me is selfish and only concerned about self preservation; it is fearful, hesitant, and greedy; it does not want me to go share what I have found in Jesus. My soul has already been won and I will enter into the Kingdom. This is certain and Satan can’t change that. But what he can do is tempt me to live my life as selfishly as I can. He will tempt me to sit back and enjoy the sinful pleasures of this world and distract me from abiding in Jesus. If that doesn’t work, He will tempt me to think that I don’t need to share the Good News; that I can sit back, relax, and enjoy the good life I have with God.
But if I choose to live for myself I don’t have true intimacy with God; I’m just being selfish. If I have true intimacy with God I will choose to surrender my own feelings and desires. In true intimacy I will choose God’s way; and God’s way is to love Him and to love others; I can’t leave either out.
SET A FIRE
A few days ago we sang Set a Fire during worship. “Set a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain, that I can’t control.” That’s scary! I like being in control. I like doing things according to my plan. I want to live my own comfortable and peaceful life with God. But here I am singing that God would fill me and overflow in my life so that I wouldn’t be able to control it. It’s the selfish side of me that is scared by this prayer to God. It’s the Devil whispering lies in my ear trying to make me as ineffective as possible. But losing control doesn’t have to be scary when I’m giving that control to God. God’s hands are infinitely safer and better than my own. Even though it involves trust putting control in His hands, He is 100% trustworthy, and it will be so worth it. He is going to make me into a beautiful vessel; He is the great craftsman. When I seek control of my life I only make things more difficult.
It’s hard thinking about giving up the things I hold dear. But the Lord is the only one who truly satisfies. So if I give up all else that I hold dear and satisfying for Him, He will not lead me astray; life will be so good. Good not because it is easy but because it is full of Him. I should not be afraid to chase after Him alone, leaving behind all, because in Him is fullness. Fullness of joy; fullness of peace; fullness of purpose; fullness of everything. God has already given me so much (understatement of my life). Even without my physical/tangible blessings He already deserved all love when He made me. And on top of that He sent His Son to restore me, blessed me with His Spirit to be my constant companion, and assured a place for me in His House! I am everything to Him. Is He everything to me?
The day after singing Set a Fire I prayed this prayer to the Lord: “I trust you and praise you Lord. I know you are in control and are sovereign. I know you are wise and you are love. I will praise you forever! I will thank you forever for what you have done in my life. All these blessing fill me with entitlement; I give that to you Lord. I am giving you full control; do as you will in my life. This life is not the time for comfort. Everything of this life will pass away. And everything that is good and pleasing here is just a faint and brief glimpse of what will be in Heaven; it is just a glimpse of you. So why would I live for what is merely a shadow of your goodness when I can live for you, the supreme good. You are intrinsically worthy of all of me. But how much greater and easier it is to follow you with the promises and assurances you’ve given me. I could sit and wait forever enjoying your presence. But no. I will have eternity for that! Fill me with love and passion to actively spread the Gospel to all people. Use me for your glory. Set my sites on you and your will. Whatever you have for my future, Lord, I am willing. I only have one life here and only what is done for you will last. I give my life to you.”
PRACTICAL STEPS TO GROW MY INTIMACY WITH GOD
This is all very general. I don’t love forcing myself to get specific because that turns into creating a law for myself. A law that I will become legalistic about; a law that I will end up breaking; a law that will drive me into shame. I also find that I often find God most often when I simply invite Him into my day and enjoy it with Him. When I am still and ponder Him. I find rest in peace when I simply abide with and in Him.
But I do see the value of specific goals and “rules” as well. Specifics help me to do things I wouldn’t normally choose to do. So here are some specifics I am going to take to grow my intimacy with God, but I will have grace on myself.
(1) In addition to my devotional time in the morning I am going to make sure to spend at least five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the night in silence with God. I spend so much time talking to God but very little do I allow for Him to respond. I find rest when I slow down quiet my thoughts; yet I do this so rarely. I believe that in these five minute chunks God will be able to speak to me. And if nothing else, I may find peace.
(2) I am going to spend at least 10 minutes in prayer before bed (it will probably be best if I don’t actually do this in bed). I will use the ACTS model of prayer (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication). I’ve been using this model some in the past couple months but often I’ve been so tired before bed I just skip my prayer entirely. But what a privilege that I can talk to God! Shouldn’t I use that privilege as much as possible even if it means getting a little less sleep? Prayer is one of those things that sometimes feels unproductive to me. But ultimately prayer isn’t about productivity; it’s about intimacy. I believe it’s impossible to be intimate with God without prayer. (I may start writing out my prayers if that helps; I’ve heard some people say it does).
(3) I’m going to intently study at least one passage of the Bible each day. I have been in a good habit of spending time in the Word almost daily while I’ve been here on the Race. But often I don’t dig deep into the scripture and don’t let it really soak in. I don’t give it the chance to change me or my thinking.
(4) I am going to have at least one conversation about God with someone on my squad each day. As an introvert I don’t normally seek out conversations with people. And even when I do, it’s more often about trivial things. I believe seeking out these conversations will widen my view of God. It will help me learn to be vulnerable with people and share what God is teaching me. I will also hear what others are learning from God and learn through them. It will also deepen my connection with the squad.
If you have read all of this; thank you! I would love prayers for deepened intimacy with the Lord and commitment to following these practical steps. But also the humility and discernment to change them and make adjustments as necessary. Also I would for accountability to keep these steps I’ve made. So feel free to message me or leave a comment on future blogs if you want. Thank you all for all your support and encouragement. Love y’all.
