“Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” – 1 Corinthians 12:8-9
Growing up in an isolated and amazing Christian community and being a dedicated follower of Christ for about four years now it’s hard not to feel that I should have my life under control. I should have a passion for Jesus every day fueling a righteous and upright life. But that simply isn’t the case. I sometimes find myself worn out of spending time with Jesus and failing to live uprightly
I desire to do what is good but I don’t desire to live by the Holy Spirit and discipline myself in the ways that are required to live a holy life. I end up being frustrated with myself. Frustrated at how I keep on failing. Jesus said, “If you love me you will do what I command.” I love Him, but why then do I not obey? I struggle and I yearn to be free of this weight that is sin and temptation. I yearn to love His will for me; holiness and joy. And yet I continue in selfishness and disregard for His Word. I feel confused at how I can so easily ignore what I know to be best in favor of what is simply permissible.
God said to Paul that His grace was sufficient; that His power is made perfect in weakness. I’ve wrestled with what that means for me. I know I am forgiven and that His grace is enough. But often knowing that leads me to selfishness and sin. Jesus said, “The one who is forgiven much, loves much.” I for sure am going through a season where God is teaching me humility through His continued forgiveness; dependence for Him because of my continued stumbling. My love for Him is growing. That I do see. But I also see myself continuing in disobedience. What am I to do? I need to strive for Him with all my heart, but also realize that He doesn’t need or expect me to be perfect. For as 1 Corinthians 1:27-31 says:
“But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God. But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption.”
But this is no excuse to not do my best for the Lord. It is my honor to do everything I can to make His glory known in this life. It takes work, dedication, faithfulness, and perseverance to live for God. So often I try to live my life in accordance with the Sermon on the Mount; I end up failing. As Dallas Willard says in his book the Spirit of the Disciplines, that is expected. Jesus didn’t mean for us to try to live out the Sermon on the Mount without any prior training. That would be like attempting to run a four minute mile with no training. It’s not a bad thing to attempt, but you’re going to fail without preparation. I need to train to live by the Sermon on the Mount. This is where Spiritual Disciplines come into play.
I definitely have a lot to learn when it comes to Spiritual Disciplines. It’s hard not to see discipline as a restriction to the enjoyment of the physical life. But that’s not true at all. They are hard; especially when you’ve never practiced them before. But they enable us to live this physical life to the fullest; to live with joy and clear purpose in this physical world because of a deeper union with God.
Grace can only do so much. It may give me the desire to live a disciplined life. But I still need to LIVE a disciplined life. A righteous (and thus a good life) does not come simply by grace. It comes through discipline that is motivated by grace and a desire to know God more.
Through all of these swirling thoughts and slow growth I am comforted in the lyrics of this song; knowing that God loves me and patiently waits for me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIksmc0BUig
