I’ve been back from training camp for a week, and I’m still processing everything that happened. Training camp is probably the hardest, but the most rewarding thing I’ve done in my life as of yet. It wasn’t just physically tough, but spiritually as well.
Roughing it out in the woods with my tent and sleeping pad was surprisingly fun. It was like I had my own little house. Not having running water for 10 days was a learning curve. I never consciously realized how much I wash my hands, or how much it bothered me to just use hand sanitizer after using a port-a-potty. When I found a sink after camp I rinsed my hands for at least 2 minutes. The lady waiting in line behind me probably thought I was crazy for smiling so much while washing my hands. Bucket showers were new to me, but it felt so refreshing to scrub away the red Georgia dirt, sweat, sunscreen, and bugs.
The food was interesting. Every day we had a different continent or cultural area as the theme for our meals. Some of it was great, some was okay, and others weren’t the most appetizing. It was a lot of fun getting a better idea of what the food will be like in the countries I’ll be visiting, and how I’ll be expected to eat it.
Everyone on my squad (T Squad!) is awesome. I was assigned to a team with 6 other girls who are the best. Each is unique and brings a different insight and strength to the team. Team Agape is going to be a great one.
Spiritually is really where I struggled while at training camp. There was some intense spiritual warfare going on inside of me. I was homesick like I had never been before, I was doubting what God was calling me to do, and I was even doubting His love for me. Our trainers told us that this was normal, that Satan knew what we were capable of, and he was attacking us in our weakest areas. There was a lot of prayer going on while at training camp and it definitely helped.
I was weak in areas that I hadn’t previously acknowledged but was forced to while at training camp. I’ve been raised in a Christian home. Week after week, month after month, year after year have been spent going to church every Sunday morning. Maybe hearing something so often makes you forget how it originally felt. All I know is that I was unintentionally going through the motions before training camp.
One night during worship I was just sobbing my eyes out because I was ashamed of my doubts. I knew the facts, the scripture, and the reasons behind Christianity, but in that moment I was just praying it wasn’t some fairy tale. I wanted to ask God for some sign that He cared. I wanted to beg for some sort of understanding of why I felt the way I did. I wanted to ask for peace, but I didn’t because I was scared to ask for what I should have already known. So, I trudged on, combing through my Bible in an effort to quiet my fears. It helped, but I still felt too small and insignificant to matter to God. Just another face in a crowd of millions on earth.
One thing I learned about God during training camp is that He always know what you need, even if you don’t tell Him. A few nights after my sobbing session, a trainer I didn’t know came up to me during worship to ask if I would allow her to pray for me. After I said yes, she told me that God had given her an image of Him in a field of colorful wildflowers. He bent down to pick one up, and she said that I was that flower. She told me that God had picked me apart from then crowd, that He loved me, and He thought I was beautiful. I was crying at that point, but I had never felt lighter. My Team Trainer gave me a verse that I think describes my experience perfectly.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will be night,”� even the darkness is not dark to you. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to you.
God brushed aside every fear, doubt, and insecurity that surrounded me. He saw through the darkness when I couldn’t, and he guided me through it. I was never unloved or forgotten, because I am His child. His love was always there surrounding me. I just needed to be reminded of how to see it.
So, was training camp amazing? Absolutely. Was it easy? Heck no, but the best things in life rarely are.
