What I wrote 3 weeks ago:
If I am being honest, Thailand hasn’t been the absolute best experience for me. Thinking about Thailand as a whole today, I discovered I haven’t made this place my home and I haven’t necessarily been thriving like I did in other countries. I think there are many reasons for this, such as: the fact that I’m living in the city away from nature, I haven’t made as many connections to people here, there is a constant smog filling the air, I haven’t found “my spot” with the Lord here in our hostel, managing money is hard because everything is so cheap and easily accessible so it can easily be overdone or used as a comfort, everyone is tired, and everyone is figuring out their next step plans. The culture here is very different in the most beautiful and challenging ways! Also, oppression is strong here with idolization in their dominantly Buddhist culture. Overall, my statement for this month is it has been a challenge. Change has become much easier for me but without even processing it, I missed South Africa and my life there. But, with all this being said, I have found beauty in the challenges and the light is shining through.
Yes, I have had challenges on the race before now, but I haven’t had a dry season yet. I haven’t been drained. Ultimately though, if I came on the race expecting it to not put my perseverance to the test, then I must have mistaken the race for heaven. Papa will not change our circumstances, but he will bring good out of all circumstances and he promises joy in perusal of Him.
I reached out to my friend Emmanuel this morning to catch up a bit and he gave me some solid advice relating to his study abroad experience. Emmanuel is from Ghana and now studies in Canada. He spent his Senior year abroad in Colorado and we became good friends! He said this to me this morning:
“Half way through my experience, I resolved to find out what God had for me, not what I wanted to find for me. Because if I had come that far, there was something he wanted to impress on my heart. Those were, mostly, the painful times, the lonely ones, the times where you didn’t really feel the vibes. The moments where you really want to fast forward. But you would never know the joy and beauty of every moment if you never go through them. These are the moments where God really works. These are the moments he shows us our hearts and shapes it to his heart beat.”
So it is at this time, that I will be still in the stand still and rest in Him. To seek Him out, or when I am weak, live through the faith of my beautiful community around me. I will not give up.
Something I’ve found helpful, to keep my praises going to the Lord, is writing a list of things I’m thankful for here in Thailand!!!
Thankful for:
Markets
Pai weekend
Agape kids
Podcasts
Elephant sanctuary
Shaved ice
Macaroons
DQ
Hedge hog cafe
Meeting people from Australia, Canada, Japan and England
Temple/monk chat
Captain marvel movie
Daily Devotional with Raquel
Sushi date
Aks bday
Eating bugs
Catch phrase game
FaceTime call with Element
Bear cafe
Bible study with team
Massages
Thai tea
Worship on roof
Smoothies
Pizza at Ali’s and Allison’s
Date with Allison
Missionary from US
Yummy chai tea
Enneagram Discoveries
Insanity workouts
Swing dancing
Pad Thai
Gifted mangos from Australians
Face masks
Opportunities to apply for Scholarships
Painting
Journaling
Also, I wrote a bucket list to keep me excited about the future of only this month rather than 3 months ahead when I’m home or 5 months ahead when I’m in college. This is my main focus now.
Thailand Bucket List:
Art museum
Go see the boys
Hard Rock Cafe
1 more massage
Sticky falls
Board game cafe
More Swing dancing
Church
Ice cream with ally
Student Market
Sunday night market
Eat mango sticky rice
And the everyday, to keep me present, is the simple reminder that we can only live each day once. I have 60 days left on the race. Not that it’s a countdown, but rather a chance for me to be reminded to embrace it. I wake up every morning and say ok Jesus, whatever you got today, throw it at me.
For you, if you are reading this blog, and you can also relate to being at a stand still or know what it feels like to be in this place, I encourage you to press on and embrace the things presented to you today. Be thankful for your recent experiences, stay excited for the future ones but say yes to the adventure of today!!
What I write today, 4/23/2019:
I thought I’d give a testimony of how the lord has worked after the acknowledgment of the first part of Thailand being a struggle! After I typed out this blog, somewhere, at some point, something began to shift. My prayers were answered. Once I acknowledged the good things I was thankful for and continued to persevere through the struggle, God highlighted the beauty of where I’m at. I finally established a routine. I finally began to connect with the people at our ministry and I began to think less and less about my future plans. I was excited to be here finally! Sure, it hasn’t been perfect. Although I’ve overall had more energy, today in fact, I woke up feeling exhausted with no energy at all to go to Ministry. I also woke up too late to get coffee, so that was a serious struggle hehe. But, then I pressed in and changed my attitude and now I’m having a good day. With Easter being this past weekend, I celebrated an amazing moment in History! The resurrection of Jesus. And there has been some resurrection in me and my experience in Thailand. I’ve learned in this valley to stay true to me, to continue to persevere and love people, and lastly to keep pursuing God even when it is super hard!!! Also, in the past I would have gotten hard on myself for slipping into a hard time and it would just make this time worse! The reality is, life is not always easy. I accept the struggle and I continue to press on, the joy of the Lord in my heart!! Now I stand here on a mountain, excited to be here for this last week before another season in Myanmar. So thankful.
