I’ve been struggling more than I’d like to admit lately.
The thing is, in the midst of it I can confidently say that I am sure of the nature God, in that He is a redemptive God.
Im very certain that one of His favorite things to do is bring incredible things from trials and hard seasons!! (And wow, He’s amazing at it)
With that being said, something I believe He put on my heart to do (and its pretty far out of my comfort zone so its gonna be fun for all of us) is to share with yall what I’m learning amidst this trial, that I so desperately want to step into but haven’t been fully able to yet…
Living intentionally and on purpose,
Being fully present, &
Pressing in.
The funny thing is, I thought I had these areas mastered. Down pat. Easy breezy beautiful. But this past month has opened up the realization that I really dont, especially in this part of my life more formally labeled as a “transitional period” which pretty much boils down to the fact that: Im in the waiting for something.
As you may know Im now in the midst of month 8 of my 9 month trip. Im ‘rounding it out’ and trying to ‘finish strong’. Naturally, there are a heap load of cliche phrases going around that I’m trying to apply, such as:
“Be where your feet are”
“Bloom where you are planted”
“God has you right where he wants you”
“Live each day to the full”
“You will only get this day once”
“Today is all you have”
“Live your life on purpose”
Turns out its harder than it sounds to ‘be’ ‘bloom’ & ‘live’ when I’ve self- diagnosed myself to be in “a season of waiting” (in my case that’s waiting to be in the same time zone as my family, waiting to have the freedom to get out of the city, drive my car and eat plain greek yogurt by the gallon)
Turns out, that was a mega factor in this problem… my mindset was over-glamorizing the future and acting as if getting home would fulfill me.
I tend to do that,, to seek fulfillment in things of this world and appealing circumstances.
God gave me the grace recently to see the truth that, no matter what it is that Im in the waiting for, it wont fulfill me. I already have Christ. Christ in me is complete fulfillment on this earth. It doesn’t feel that way sometimes (but then if Im honest & examine my life and my actions), its because I have been absorbed with worldy things rather than pressing into my source, the vine, and dwelling in the secret place with Him.
I love the way psalms 91 starts out with
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shelter of The Almighty, I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust”
We are so incredibly blessed. Wow, it just blows me away time and time again that I can actually dwell in his presence. He wants me there. He DELIGHTS in me. And its in that place that I find purpose and fullness. That is so hard for me to wrap my head around sometimes.
Christ is alive here and now. In the present. Ive learned alot about that recently in the area of singleness. I have been so blessed with the gift of singleness!! This is a season where Christ alone is the sole pursuer of my affection and He is the only one romancing my heart. He’s molding me and shaping me into my true self in Him! There is so much power and freedom in singleness that I can only tap into right now! Being present in this season is absolutely vital, not only to me but also to my future spouse. Whenever that fella comes along I know that I need to be complete in who I am and fully content in Christ so that I can pour into our relationship rather than draining it. Hes gonna be one heck of a man I know, but getting married will not fulfill me.
I say all this to say that its the exact same with all other circumstances in life.
Every single day there is the option to coast through, get by, and wait for something better. & the chains of apathy are binding.
Ive been given my daily bread. & it all boils down to thankfulness. I gotta treat todays bread like the fat, hot, gooey cinnamon bun that it is and savor every morsel, rather than looking at it like its the butt end of a wheat grain loaf on a wal-mart shelf.
To live fully is to actively choose fullness. Key word ‘actively’
For me this looks like focusing on beauty in the details of each part of my day and seeking out the amazing parts of those around me. Not being numb to routine or mindlessness.
If I do anything midlessly, without purpose or intentionally, Im robbing myself of gratitude entirely. And where gratitude is void, joy is void also.
Comparison kills thanksgiving. So does greed.
Selfishness is the root of fleshy desire and I struggle with it every single day and probably always will, but Ive learned the more I combat it, the easier it is to starve.
Selflessness and thankfulness, however, go hand in hand, & are powerful weapons to aid in the fight to remain present and live with intentionally.
One of my beautiful sisters recently pointed out that, Today is a day I looked forward to, and a day I will miss.
I dont wanna diagnose any more days or seasons of my life as simply “waiting periods” or “transitional phases” and miss out on
Who God wants to be to me right here right now.
When I’m sick, I wanna get to know him as my healer. If I’m broken, I need to cling to him as the one who is restoring me piece by piece. When I’m lonely, I have to get to know him as the lover and friend that he wants to be for me right now. Thats where fulfillment comes.
Thanks yall for loving me through all my seasons and for being such wonderful stewards of grace and hope!! Christ is working all things for good even if you cant see it right now ( :
