When we arrived in Thailand, we stood in line for customs and the first thing I did was fill out my special little paper telling them that I wasnt there to take down their kingdom or bring my rifles, pigs and cotton with boll weevils into their land. Then I got to the part where they asked ‘purpose of visit’ with a coordinating sea of boxes where I was supposed to check one… I was instructed to put tourist. Not student, not volunteer, and certainly not ‘other’. I obliged because I know how strict these borders are, and that Jesus lovin’ would certainly not be welcomed with open arms and a basket of muffins here. Claiming anything other than mere sightseeing could bring a heepload of questioning and potential troubles to our hosts here. But I guess what I wasn’t prepared for was to actually get a taste of what its like being a tourist.
I say that because our first few days here were a Thursday and Friday leading into the weekend, and we would start scheduled Ministry on the upcoming Monday. At first I was really excited about getting four whole days to just explore and eat new things and meet new people and share Jesus with everyone everywhere! However, I quickly came to the understanding that no one spoke my language, the culture is completely turned-off to evangelism, and a 5$ a day budget makes for a pretty great breakfast at a coffee shop and then leaves you hangin… I was lost. So I pulled money out of savings to fix at least one issue and started living like a tourist is supposed to live. Went to the night market every night, shopped around in the clothes and jewelry, got some real nice pad thai and splurged a couple times on bubble tea!! The perfect life, we even had wifi at our hostel so I could fall asleep watching Netflix all I wanted. It should’ve been a four day long dream. A getaway from all the hard work, time, and energy I’ve been investing in our amazing ministrys in Africa. A re-set where I could find rest. The vacation everyone dreams of.
When Sunday afternoon arrived I laid in bed and tried to figure out why I felt so void. I had eaten the best food, gone to the cutest places with my friends, and seen incredible sights. But admittedly, I had been selfish. And the weirdest thing about focusing on making yourself happy is that it does the exact opposite. It leaves you bitter. I didn’t have a big AH-HA moment that night. It didn’t all just come together in an instant like it sometimes does. But the next day at our new ministry sight, while I sanded the walls I began to think of how void a life without the agenda of love really is. All these verses started coming into my head that helped me to answer my own question of why I felt so uncomfortable and out of place with a touristy lifestyle.
Honestly, its not all that profound it really just boils down to the fact that anything other than a Christ centered life is going to leave me void.
Whatever is in the center of our lives determines everything. Living focused on new culture, cool sights, good food and nice clothes is living a life where my peripherals become my center. And it’s dangerous.
Christ has made me an eternal being, and temporary things cannot and will not satisfy my hunger and thirst. Only the eternal one can satisfy.
The absolute SOURCE of my life is Christ.
To live is Christ, to die is gain.
He who finds his life will lose it.
But He who loses his life will surely find it.
He who has the son has life.
These things might have sounded cliche or confusing to me before but now there is so much new meaning put behind them!! The things of this world DO AND WILL in fact, leave me empty. These are the things the world is telling me to chase, I see it every day so glamorized on social media. (And I’m so guilty of it too!!! And I want to deeply apologize for that) Yall, the world has NO CLUE what they are trying to tell us, as christians, sons and daughters of the Most High, we already possess what is absolutely superior to everything this world has to offer!! We just have to tap into it, learn to abide in the source and live out our true purpose. To be carnally minded and self dependent is absolute insanity in comparison with the joys, adventures, and wonders of being wholly dependent on Christ, the one who brought life and freedom from death!
God is a mystery but he delights in revealing himself to us!! Hes not teasing us by hiding his will from us, we just become too distracted to see it and too busy to seek it.
I pray that every single one of you knows how great his affections are for you!! Because He’s crazy about you!! Thanks for tuning in to what I’ve been learning and growing in on this crazy journey… I thank God for every one of you! You have shown me grace and generosity beyond measure and I know the Lord is working in and through your lives ( : Thailand is amazing and is bringing me into new depths and realizations about relationship, love, and intercession. Thanks for all the prayers, they really mean so much to me! I love you
