I’m not ready.
I’m not ready to leave my house.
I’m not ready to leave my comfortable bed.
I’m not ready to be thousands of miles away from the friends and family that I see at least once a week.
I’m not ready to leave my simple Sunday church.
I’m not ready to leave my English speaking world and be thrown into a constant language barrier.
I have 77 days to get ready. This sounds like a long time, but truthfully I know this time will rush past me and I won’t realize it’s gone until I’m stepping onto that plane to Swaziland.
The thing is, I don’t think God wants me to be ready. I think the Lord is leaving me with so many unknown concerns and fears because they are all selfish concerns. I fully understand that being scared to leave my comfortable bed for a not so comfortable sleeping pad is a selfish concern. It’s selfish of me to worry about leaving my English speaking friends when I know that I will meet friends of many languages that share the same heart for Jesus as I do. Jesus has not answered my selfish questions about this trip because this trip is not about me. It doesn’t matter if I’m uncomfortable when I sleep or confused when people speak. Jesus called me to the race for the sake of many, not the sake of me. The many who don’t live in the comfort of eternal life with Jesus, who don’t know that they have a father in heaven who loves them more than the world ever will.
So no, I am not ready. I don’t know if I will be ready in the next 77 days, but I am assured that the Lord is ready to use me.
