Over the past couple of days there has been this heavy burden feeling that has caused my heart to ache. I’ve never had such a strong emotional feeling that has caused me to physically feel pain. I had a small stint of depression when my parents divorced but this doesn’t feel the same. Logically, it doesn’t make sense. I just had a few days of vacation to rest by the beach and spend quality time with my family but there is just this huge void in my heart and I finally broke down yesterday. When I cried out to the Lord but it felt like His presence was so far away.
Psalms 22:1-2
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.
In my time of journaling today, I decided to flip back and found some of the notes from training camp. I found the notes of a session about Spiritual Warfare. I remember hearing to Deon talk about how most of us will be spiritually attacked as we prepare for the Race. I finally questioned myself “Am I being attacked?” I’ve always heard that term in church yet I never really understood it until now. Deon stated that the number 1 way the enemy can attack you is through lies and that’s all I’ve been hearing (John 8:44). Things like I am a burden to others, that I have no value, or that I am not loved. I realize these are all lies yet it feels so real when you feel so far from God.
Matthew 28:18 “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
I remembered how Deon was stating that Satan literally has no power over this earth yet he will keep you distracted and have you paralyzed from doing what you have been called to do. I refuse to be paralyzed knowing what God has set out for me this upcoming year. There is such power in that verse knowing that the Lord we serve is bigger than anything we could ever face or go through on this earth.
I challenge you to fight back with scripture against anything that contradicts what God has spoken over you and to search out scripture to see what God has spoken over you.
Updates:
-
Many people have been asking when I leave and I’ll officially be launching out on August 3
-
My next deadline of $10,000 is coming up soon if you feel lead to donate you can do so by clicking the “Donate!” button on the top right corner above this blog.
-
Please pray for my squad and I during these next few weeks leading up to launch
