Dear Father,
You’ve put this on my heart.
You put missions on my little six year old heart.
Even though I was young and didn’t know much, somehow I knew missions was the plan you had for me (Jeremiah 29:11).
Somehow I knew I was going to serve your kingdom.
I dreamed about what it would be like to be on fire for you and have a deep love for both you and your people.
Yet now here I am in Costa Rica doing just that.
Here I am living out my dream;
Your dream.
And I couldn’t be anymore thankful.
It’s been such a blessing.
It’s the best decision of my life and I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Now that I’ve been on the field you revealed somethings to me.
You revealed to me what missions really is.
I counted the cost for my faith.
I know that it isn’t always easy.
I know it takes work.
I know it’s a daily sacrifice of my pride, wants, desires, loved ones, and sometimes my life.
I know there will be moments of doubt and fear.
I know my experience on the field won’t always live up to my expectation of the “missionary life” I see on social media
Or what I’d imagine it to be in my head.
I know it’s a surrender.
I know it’s hard.
I know it’s a step of faith into the uncomfortable and choosing to live life in the uncertainty.
I know I will get rejected.
I know I will be looked down upon.
I know I will get knocked down.
I know it won’t be a perfect life.
I know I’m sacrificing my expectations.
I know I’m surrendering the “American Dream”.
I know that I’m literally putting everything in your hands.
But you know what else you’ve taught me Papa?
You’ve shown me what missions is.
I learned that even though missions can be so hard it’s so worth it.
It’s worth the fight.
It’s worth the perseverance.
You, my precious Father, are worth my time, energy, growth pains, uncertainty, and all that missions entails.
The good, bad, hard, and joyous times are all worth it.
The mission field has taught me a lot.
A lot about myself,
The women you’re creating me to be,
Who I want to become,
The gifts you have stored in my heart for such a time as this,
The value of our relationship,
Who you are,
And how to love others well with all my heart.
Oh Father, missions is my heartbeat.
Missions is my dream because it was your dream first.
It’s what I want.
It’s what I love.
Missions isn’t complicated.
Instead, missions is the simple gospel;
The simple gospel of love and grace.
Missions is love on display daily to all the nations.
It’s a daily commitment.
A daily choice to fight the good fight and persevere.
Missions is a choice to have extreme faith and walk every step of the way in faithfulness.
Missions is all about you and not about me.
Missions is for your glory and not the glory of my own.
So, in what ever we do we should do it for your glory Father because that is our mission field (1 Corinthians 10:31).
Missions isn’t about the work, but about the relationship.
Lord, you taught me from the beginning that if I fix my eyes on the work and try to produce fruits in my own strength than I’m missing the point.
You taught me in Thailand while I was digging that trench what is most important;
My work or my relationship with you.
You taught me the same lesson you taught Martha (Luke 10:38-42).
Missions is following in your footsteps.
Just like you sacrificed all at the cross,
Missions is sacrificing our flesh so that your death on the cross isn’t meaningless.
Missions is loving, discipling, teaching, encouraging, pointing others to you, and living everyday life with others.
Missions isn’t just my calling Papa, but a calling for all believers (Matthew 28:19-20).
Missions is an honor because you humbled yourself enough to let us serve you and advance your kingdom.
You didn’t have to do that.
You could have drawn all your people to yourself in the blink of an eye.
Yet even in that, you gave us grace and loved us enough to allow free will.
Missions isn’t about going overseas.
Some of us are called out of our homeland to reach the unreached.
But, the truth is wherever your people at missionaries need to be also.
Papa, missions is hard sometimes.
Sometimes I dare to get my hopes up and it doesn’t go how I planned or imagined it would be.
That’s when I’m reminded of my pride and fleshly arrogance.
That’s when I’m reminding that missions is about you and not me.
Papa, sometimes missions is uncomfortable.
Sometimes you have to break the rocks down in my heart to produce good soil.
Then after you break ground you are able to plant seeds.
After planting the seeds you water, grow, and eventually produce fruit in my heart.
Papa, sometimes missions is living a life of uncertainty.
I don’t know what everyday will look like.
You taught me how to stop planning and be still and know that you are God (Psalms 46:10).
You taught me how to pray more.
The more I pray and seek you the more rely on you.
Papa, sometimes I have doubts.
I have doubts in what you’re doing since I can’t see it with my actual eyes.
At times, I doubt the things you have called me.
I doubt that I am ready and that I have extreme faith sometimes even though that’s what you spoke over me.
Yet you have graciously opened my spiritual eyes to see what you are doing in my heart and other people’s hearts too.
You are teaching me that even though I may not physically see it that doesn’t mean you aren’t doing anything.
Papa, sometimes I have to endure persecution.
Remember the guy that we met at the Buddhist temple in Thailand that fought us on religious matters?
(If you would like to read that blog it’s called ‘Dear Nate (My Testimony)’)
Papa, sometimes in missions we have to encounter scary situations.
Do you remember the Irani man who came into my ministry while I was in Malaysia?
Oh Father that was scary!
Papa, sometimes I have to let you mend the wounds in my heart that I’ve been ignoring.
Wounds like the wounds that my earthly father caused.
He hurt me so much Papa and because of that I put his reputation of a father upon you.
I pushed you away because I thought just like him you would hurt, yell at, and disappoint me.
I pushed you away because I pushed him away.
Yet you are a God that loves me so dearly.
A God that pursued me and tenderly mended my broken heart from my earthly father.
Oh Lord, look at how far our relationship has come!
Open your eye and look for the harvest is now (Luke 4:35)!
I am the harvest!
And you’ve done so much in me already.
You know what else though Dad?
I’ve seen miracles happen on the mission field.
I’ve seen three people’s backs be completely healed by your power including my own back.
Then I saw two more people get healed from other things.
I’ve seen the gospel touch other’s hearts.
I’ve seen that just our presence here in our ministries speaks the gospel even before we can open our mouths.
I’ve seen you show up in situations.
When I don’t know what to say you tell me to speak and then something crazy happens.
I have a black out moment where I just open my mouth, the Holy Spirit speaks through me, and then I have no idea what I said.
I’ve have people come up to me touched by the light that you have put within my heart; a light that’s like a city on a hill that cannot be distinguished (bible verse).
Just like that homeless man who randomly came up to me wanting a hug and as he embraced me he had the biggest smile on his face.
I’ve seen how ministry can be simple.
My favorite ministry lately has been flower ministry and watching how you touch people’s heart by a simple flower.
I’ve been able to disciple others.
Both in my ministry, on my team, and on my squad.
I’ve been able to gain wisdom from the body of Christ.
I’ve been able to pray bold prayers in confidence that you will work.
And then seeing how you answered my prayers.
Remember our base host’s father?
He was in surgery.
He was told that there is no hope and they thought he would pass away.
But you heard my squad’s prayers over him.
You heard the 33 prayers that were prayed that day and now he is still alive, responsive, and able to live his life for you!
Wow God you are just so good!
Yes, Father missions can be hard at times.
Although, during my time on the field I’ve had the best experiences, I’ve grown so much, I’ve witnessed you working in so many ways, and I have testimonies of what you have done.
Missions is simply beautiful.
Missions is my commitment.
And if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from missions is that:
It’s about the simple gospel.
It’s about you.
It’s about loving you and your people (John 13:34-35).
It’s for all of us.
It’s not about the work, but about the relationship
And I’m just thankful to be able to be your hands and feet Father!
Thank you for showing me what missions means Papa.
I know I’m not perfect and I’m still learning.
But thank you for these opportunities.
Thank you for fighting on my behalf in the hard, scary, uncomfortable, and uncertain times.
Thank you for being bigger than all of the hardships, problems, and sacrifices.
Thank you for giving me sweet moments of joy, laughter, hope, and love.
Thank you for allowing me to witness miracles, testimonies, deeper relationships with you, and much more.
Thank you for this opportunity to be in missions.
It truly is my honor to serve you with all my heart Father.
Missions is my honor and my pure joy Papa.
Thank you for missions.
