I sit there on the roof overlooking all of God’s creation. Every time I’m there I feel like I can seen the things I normally wouldn’t be able to see because this time, there on the roof, I’m able to start fresh. That’s where I’m able to feel God’s presence in the bustling city of Chiang Mai, Thailand. That’s where I avoid going sometimes because I know the Lord’s presence is there, but other times I can’t help but fall on my knees in surrender on the roof. This is what it means to come to His table; it means to surrender all that I have so that I can see His will instead of my own.
Surrender is something I’ve always struggled with. As a result of the events that have occurred in my life I felt the need to be strong, independent, confident in my own ways, and have everything figured out. Although, somehow I always stubble over myself and land at God’s feet. The hardest times on my race have been the times when I try to do things in my own will instead of let go of everything at the Lord’s table. Some how some way the Lord graciously keeps pulling me back to Him and seating me at His right hand. When I sit down right next to Him I feel Him smiling at me. He loves when I come to the table no matter where I am in life, what I look like, or how messy my heart is. He’s just glad I’m there, open, willing, and vulnerable. He’s glad that I care so deeply about our relationship that I would surrender my struggles in order to grow more with Him. Even though it takes me a while to get to that point of surrender, it gets a little bit easier every time.
I didn’t think coming to His table would be so relieving. In fact, I didn’t even know what that meant until our squad mentor discussed what it means to come to the table during communion. To me though, that phrase applies to fasting as well as communion. After she said that I read the articles for this weeks Truett McConnell class. I saw how surrendering our will in the form of fasting was a theme for both articles. The article called Fasting Shepherd of Hermas Parable, the main character comes to the Lord in order to understanding fasting. He comes to the Lord seeking God’s will and the way to follow God’s will without the distraction that food brings. Fasting is coming to the table free from the distraction of food. Fasting means being so desperate for the Lord that your willing to give up your routine, focus, and endure short-term pain (hunger) in order to dwell in the Lord’s presence. In our routine we find comfort and we block out everything and everyone around us because all we can see is what is inside of our own little world. Eating is a very common routine that is practiced all over the world. Eating is such a big part of culture, identity, routine, and comfort. God doesn’t say eating is a bad thing. In fact, Brannan says that, “Both food and drink you have given to the people for enjoyment, so that they might give thanks to you” (Brannan 4). Eating is supposed to be a joyous gift from the Lord, but sometimes we use this gift as a way to feed our own desires and wills. Eating then becomes a habit of trying to satisfy our own will by falling into our own habits. But what happens when we choose to strip that all away? God doesn’t make us fast, but all throughout the Bible fasting has been the key to surrendering all of who we are to gain all of who God is. Both in Acts 13:1-3 and Acts 14:19-23, fasting was the key to understanding God’s will. When their fasting was paired with prayer and worship it said that the Holy Spirit revealed God’s will to them so that they could then be sent to do the Lord’s work (Acts 13:2-3).
When we choose to let go of our routine, culture, identity, and comfort then we are able to let God do amazing things in us and through us. In the same way, fasting is stripping away all of that; it’s coming to the roof (my version of God’s table) and letting God work in me. By coming to the roof I was able to surrender all I have and all my words so that He can speak through me in my writing. Coming to the table is more than just a metaphor, but it’s something Jesus prioritized Himself. In the gospels, the last thing Jesus did before He died on the cross was come to the Lord’s table with His disciples. God values coming to the table because He knows that when we do come to the table we come as a blank slate stripped from all the labels and identities that we have put on ourselves. He knows that when we come to the table we come messy, but longing to be redeemed.
My mom use to read us this book by Max Lucado called You Are Special. In the book, the wemmicks (the wooden characters) carried the weight of routine, labels, and identity on their shoulders. It was a custom for them to spend their days trying to show off to each other and giving each other stickers. Every time Punchinello (the main character) tried to do something in his own strength he failed. When he failed other wemmicks would put black dots on him. At one point, Punchinello had so many black dots he couldn’t see past his own mistakes that were made in his own strength. He just so badly wanted to impress others by obtaining stars of recognition from his success. One day, he met a wemmick who had no dots or stars. When he asked her why she didn’t have any marks she mentioned that she would go see the carpenter everyday. Every time she would come to his table they would talk and he would remind her of her worth and purpose. Soon Punchinello went to go see the carpenter too. When he first approached the carpenter’s table he was frightened by his vulnerability and ashamed that his will caused him to fail. The carpenter, on the other hand, called him back to himself and seating him at his right hand. As he talked to the carpenter he longed to grow in his relationship with his maker. At the end of their conversation he felt loved, reassured of his purpose, and confident in the carpenter’s plans instead of his own. He vowed to continue to come to his table more often in order to build their relationship. As he left the carpenter’s table a black dot fell off of Punchinello.
This isn’t just a childhood story that I fell in love with as a kid. It’s the story of my relationship with God! I’m so caught up in my own will, routine, and words that I completely shut God out. I use the gift of food as a way to feed the groaning of my own will and because of it I try to accomplish everything without His help. Then I fail, miserably. When I fail I’m labeled by the world and I hold value in what others say. Although, when I’m able to surrender it all to God by sitting at his table, He tells me how special I am, the purpose He has for my life, and how much He longs to have a relationship with me. So as I sit there on the roof surrendering all I have to Him at His table. Surrendering is coming to the table and fasting is just one simple way I can let a black dot fall off my back.
