This blog post was supposed to be created for my World Race classes through Truett McConnell. Our assignment includes writing about the article, passages, hymns, experiences, and our spiritual growth. I was intending on writing something completely different for this blog post. As I sat down to write this blog, I struggled immensely to receive the right wisdom to put on paper. I didn’t feel peace about what I was writing, and most of all I was confused. I reflected on how I pray myself. I pray in an unconventional way. I pray and talk to the Lord through songs, poems, and writing journals to Him. As I sat there thinking about what I already wrote, I was reminded about what the article stated. The article touched on the importance of both formalized and spontaneous prayers. It discussed how formalized prayers are important because when we don’t know what to pray it opens our hearts and allows God to reveal all of our brokenness and sin that we weren’t able to see before. Spontaneous prayers, on the other hand, come from a genuine heart. It is a personalized prayer that cries out to the Lord asking Him for His blessings and for Him to fulfill all of our needs. Not necessarily our physical needs, but more importantly our spiritual needs. We can expect God to answer His promises because He is good. Not only does He do good, but also His character is good.
When I sat there not knowing what to write, I asked the Lord for Him to reveal Himself to me and give me the words to write. I decided to take the advice of Luther and Augustine and start by praying in formalized prayer; to start by praying the Lord’s Prayer. The Lord gave us the Lord’s Prayer in order for us to pray to Him even when we don’t know what to pray. So, that’s what I did. One of my biggest prayers for being on the World Race, is to understand what it is for the Lord to be our Father. I don’t have an earthy father. Ever since I was a young child, I have had a hard time seeing God as my Heavenly Father because of the pain that my earthly father caused. I still have a hard time with that, but I believe God will answer my prayers and keep His promises. As I started off with saying “Our Father” from the Lord’s Prayer, found in Matthew 6 and Luke 11, the Lord gave me a poem. This is what He spoke to my broken heart.
“I was created in order to be His
In order to inherit all that He has given me
I was called into something that I didn’t know and when He labeled Himself, He labeled me too
He labeled me something that I didn’t think I was
He called me something that broke me the most
By calling me His child, He healed my brokeness
By calling me His child, I’m no longer defined by the past, I’m comforted by the Spirit, I don’t have to be afraid
I have become precious to Him
When we say, ‘Our Father’ He says, ‘Our Child’
When we pray to Him, He answers us boldly
He calls me to the center of my pain to heal me, so that I can become who He created me to be
I’m a child because He says so
Why am I a child?
What does it mean to be a child ?
What does it mean to be yours?
He calls me His child, He calls me into His holiness, and He humbles Himself
When I call upon Him to enter His throne room, although I’m not worthy, He answers
Being His child means I’m the first to get his attention, the first to be forgiven
I’m a child because He chose me and a child walks by faith fearlessly
A child doesn’t know why they believe
A child just does
A child just loves
For the sake of joy
A child has joy because he’s fearless
I’m a child because I was given great faith
I was given gifts I had not known
Yes, I was given an Inheritance
More than anything I was given Love, Protection, and Joy
The fruits of the spirit freely as a gift
As a child, you are so vulnerable
As a child, you break at fear and at darkness
As a child, you are afraid of the future
As a child, you get lost and turn away, but just as quickly, you come home
Being a Child means you wait expectantly on the Father that He will come back
Being a Child means that you put all your faith into something that was always there
Being a Child means coming as I am
Being a Child means getting everything out on the table
Free of worry
Free to be myself
Being a Child, means being free
Free because of love
Being a Child, means I don’t have to be anything else
I just have to be
My Father
My Father
My Father is someone who is safe
My Father is someone who is unchanging
My Father speaks life
My Father rescues us from death
He always sees the good in us when we don’t see anything at all
Being a Father means that He’s there when we call
When we say ‘Our Father’ we are calling on His name
He says that, when two join together and call on His name He will keep His promises
When I call on your name, I call on your promises
I call on who you say you are
I call expecting you to rescue me
I call you my Father because you are all I have
I never had an earthly father, but a Heavenly Father is someone I do have
When I call you my Father, I’m able to be fearless
When I call you my Father, I’m able to go places I have never been
When I call you my Father, I’m able to say yes to your commands
When I call you my Father, I have immeasurable faith in you
When I call you my Father, I have strength
When I call you my Father, you lead me through the hills and valleys
When I call you my Father, I’m able to overcome my fears
When I call you my Father, I’m able to hear your voice because you’re so close
When I call you my Father, I’m not just calling you into my pain, I’m calling you into Jesus’ pain too
When I call you my Father, I’m okay with whatever you put in my way
When I call you my Father, I’m calling you to be personal with me
When I call you my Father, I’m calling you into the unknown of my heart
When I call you my Father, I’m calling you to a special place
When I call you my Father, I’m calling you to a place in my heart I’ve tried to fill with other things, but those things don’t measure up
Those things have let me down
When I call you my Father, I call myself for who I am
When I see you as my Father, I’m able to see me
I’m able to love myself for who you created me to be
When I call you my Father, I’m calling you to be the King of my heart
When I call you my Father, I’m calling you to be the strength of my heart and to take the burden upon yourself, so I can live freely without guilt or shame
A Father stands up for me
A Father never forsakes me
A Father knows my name
A Father never forgets me
When I call you my Father, I’m able to let go
When I call you my Father, I’m able to see you throughout all the pain in my life, throughout all the memories
I’m calling you into those memories not so you can destroy them, but so you can renew them
When I call you my Father, I will never be disappointed
When I call you my Father, I know you are there when I can’t see you
You give me peace that surpasses all understanding
When I pray to you and call you my Father, you answer with your servant’s heart
You say, “Yes, here I am Courtney”
You humbled yourself because a father is not proud
A father does not walk in pride or ignorance
A father walks in humility eager to serve me
A father is more than I will ever understand
God I want you to fill that hole in my heart
May you surpass all expectations
Fill the hole in my heart
You are my Father not because I say you are
You are my Father because you humbled yourself
You are my Father because you sacrificed yourself for me to be your child, so that you could save me from myself
You are my Father because you are who you are
I will call you my Father because I believe who you are
You are not the worlds definition of a father
You are my Father because you are love
I don’t understand why you are my Father because I don’t understand your love
In order to understand that He is my Father I have to understand His love and why He loves me
He is Love
I am Loved”
This is not your everyday prayer or what the assignment was technically supposed to be. I was intending on this post to be close to perfection. I wasn’t intending on it opening up the deepest parts of my heart.Yet, that’s the point of being a Christian. Being a Christian means being okay with the uncomfortable. The Lord told me after I spoke these words that He wanted me to put this poem as the main part of my blog. If there’s one thing I’m learning about prayer, it’s that you don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be willing to be vulnerable, to trust God, and to speak from your heart. So here I am, being vulnerable in obedience to you because God told me to.
