I have not posted on my blog recently, so here is an update on my life/feelings in some little categories:
Blessings
On my previous blog post, I said that I was not scared about going on the trip, but raising $16,000 scared the heck out of me. Well, 2 months later, and I am I feeling quite the opposite. Right now, I am feeling very content financially. I am almost at $9,000 raised and I am feeling very blessed. I would like to say a sincere “thank you” to anyone who has made any contribution towards my trip so far- from money donations, to buying a shirt, to shopping at my garage sale, and everything in between. There is an absolute peace in trusting that God will provide for me.
Fears
Some people know before their senior year that they want to take a gap year, do mission work, or specifically do the World Race. I believe that God put the World Race on my heart so “late” in the game (as in, after I had applied to 2 colleges that I thought I would be going to one of in the fall) because He knew that if I had the idea earlier, it would give me too much time to overthink and talk myself out of it. I decided to apply for the World Race, had my phone interview, and paid my $150 deposit all within 2 weeks. It was a quick decision, but prayerful and thoughtful nonetheless. In the application process, I did not have time to get scared, and right after my decision, my biggest worry was raising money. But as I am becoming more secure in the money, it is creating space for more fears to arise. As I have time to contemplate my reality for the upcoming 9 month, it can create even more fear inside of me. I am trying to give it to God, but that doesn’t diminish the validity of my thoughts. My friends will be shopping for their dorm rooms, where they will have a matching comforter as their roommate, and I am currently figuring out which 5 shirts I would like to wear for the next 9 months. Although I am not jealous at all, it is just becoming real how different my life is from everyone elses’. Obviously, when I decided to do the World Race, I was aware that I was choosing an abnormal path, but the differences are becoming even more clear. A part of me feels like I am missing out on the “normal” experience that high schoolers have transitioning to college, but I know that where I am at is where I am supposed to be.
Changes
I feel like I have been ready for high school graduation since Day One. Although I have really enjoyed my high school experience, I have always felt like college was the thing to look forward to and that I would not miss Stanton too much. This year, some of my friends have been dreading leaving their comfortable lives in Jacksonville, but I never thought much about it. Last Wednesday after work though, I felt for the first time that I was not ready for high school to be over. My life is changing whether I am ready for it or not, but I am feeling like I’m not. I will never run in a Stanton uniform again. I will never go to YoungLife club as a high schooler at 729 Post Street. I will never have another yearbook class in room 220 again. I will never not be financially independent again. In less than 4 months, I will be leaving the neighborhood I have lived in my entire life. I will be away from my friends and family for 9 months, and will not see anyone (other than possibly my parents towards the end of the trip) until I come back next June. I won’t meet each week at Maple Street with my campaigners group that consists of my best friends and YoungLife leaders. It may sound like complaining, but it is just my mind processing the transition that I am going through.
I am graduating in less than 2 weeks!! This summer I will be going to Pioneer Plunge with my campaigners group, Tennessee with my best friends, and Training Camp for the World Race. In between all of that, I will be working at Chick-fil-a, babysitting, house-sitting, and anything else that may come my way to earn money towards my trip. I will do my best to keep y’all updated during the summer as I approach launch!
