Well, this is it, the last blog. I have been thinking lots about what to say, what to write, what to end with. Truth is, there is so much to say about last year, so much to share. The year, like any other year of life, was filled with mountain tops and valley lows. The highlights were incredible and I will cherish them forever. The valleys were hard, harder than expected but the lessons they brought continue to shape the way I see God, life, and others.
There are 2 incredible lessons this year taught me. The two I want to share, the ones I think have shaped me the most. “To simply love God and love others.”
To love God. It sounds so easy, so so easy, but sometimes is hard. Then again, its kinda easy. Then you know, maybe hard again. When I first met Jesus I remember that what captivated me the most was His gift. The gift that there is nothing I can do to get more of His grace. Or anything I could do to make Him love me more, to be more saved. It was finished, it was done. It is finished, it is done. He loves us deeply because of who we are in Him. Not for what we can bring to the table or do for Him. As if there is anything we could do to measure up to who He is anyways. We are His sons and daughter and no matter what we do or don’t do our title as His son or daughter won’t change. This year challenged that truth like never before. It was a hard year to walk with that identity. I constantly felt the pressure to be a great missionary who shares the gospel every day and saves people. To heal every human I ran across and to pray for anyone and everyone. And if a day went by and I didn’t do something “holy” who was I then? It honestly made me doubt my stand as a daughter like never before. But, the command is to love God. And for that, I am forever thankful. In the midst of not knowing how to navigate that, how to rest in Him the way I always did I am thankful faith is based on truth and not merely experience. I am thankful my God is the way, the truth, and life, not a simple experience or an encounter. I am thankful in the midst of being kind of lost His word kept me grounded. His word helped me somehow to believe it all was going to be just fine. Still, I am in this place where I am constantly battling with those ideas. The idea I still need to do certain things to be a good follower of Jesus. It is such an irony a year in the field would bring me to this place of deep brokenness where I am desperate for Him to rescue me from. BUT love God, and in the midst of all this that remains easy. In the midst of it, loving Him is what still drives me. Jesus did say He was going to send the great counselor, the one that would reveal all truth. So, I am grateful that I haven’t stopped desiring to be with Him and He hasn’t stopped allowing me to see His truth. I can love Him because again, He first loved me. Like I said earlier, His love is not conditional or dependent on what I do. His love is deep, eternal, sweet and unconditional. So I continue to tell myself to never forget that no matter what He will always love us.
“and love others.” Out of His love will flow rivers of living water. Out of His love, we can love others the way we are called too. For every one is made after the image of God. The image of God. To love God and love others. The moment we begin to see every person as someone made after the image of God, the moment we can love others. Forgive and restore. I found those to be the two hardest things to do when it comes down to loving others. And what I learned is that there is no way on earth I can forgive or bring restoration apart from Jesus. There is something about our human nature that struggles with that. But love keeps no record of wrongs. Only if y’all knew how often that little verse consumed my mind. This year brought a lot of pain. Not anyone’s fault, it just happened that way. So I got to practice forgiveness, a lesson hard to learn. One I am still learning each day, probably one I will never stop learning. I am so so thankful for that. Truly no idea how thankful I am for the hard days. We, as believers preach restoration all day long. That’s the essence of what we believe. For God so loved the world He sent His only son to save all those who believe in Him. The entire gospel is a beautiful story of God restoring all things to Him. An incredible story of how we once were separated with no hope but now we have Jesus as our one hope. So why is it, that it is so hard for us to forgive and let God restore. There is the key, let God restore. I beg you, if you are still reading this, take this lesson as the biggest lesson I can share. God truly restores. The relationships you think are broken, the friends you are still mad at, the family members you cannot stand. God is a God of miracles, He changes hearts, He truly does. That’s His whole plan!! To restore, ultimately restore all things back to Him.
Again, thanks for making this journey a reality for me. It was one for the books, and for that, I will be forever thankful to you.
