So hungry I fasted!
Today God has been talking to me about what to expect when you fast. There are many different types of fasting but the most common one is food. There are different degrees as to the way you fast which plays a factor. It can be complicated and sometimes more confusing then it needs to be, none the less here is what has been happening with me in regards to fasting.
Working in the restaurant industry there has been many days were I didn’t eat for 18 hours while I was working, it just gets busy and next thing you know you haven’t taken in food since 7 this morning and it’s currently 1am….not good. Happened nearly every weekend during the busy season and in the summers. This become a usual thing and bothered me in the beginning but once you get used to it, its really not that big of a deal.
A week ago I tried my first “on purpose” fast. I went in looking forward to spending time with the Lord, praying every time I got hungry, journaling, and feeling all the feels that come with practicing this spiritual discipline. I took time and picked the perfect day, church in the morning and then the rest of the day free. I wanted to pick a day that wasn’t full of things to distract me from feeling hungry. I wanted to be fully engaged in the fast and get everything outta it as I could. It all started off by praying that Saturday night for my fast the next day.
Sunday morning came and breakfast was over by the time I knew it. Then patiently waited for a hunger to fill my stomach…nothing. Surely Ill feel it after I get some work done, journal, read, pray some more, etc. Nothing. Lunch comes and I wasn’t even hungry. A little less patient I am waiting for a realization to come down from the heavens, for God to audibly speak to me kinda thing! Nothing. Well come dinner time, after lots of prayer, journaling, and reading it was time for the fast to kick in. Yet, nothing. I felt literally nothing during all three meals during the day. Only drank a few glasses of water yet felt full.
God wasn’t speaking to me that way I wanted Him to, and it was so frustrating. I did all the things, was uber productive and read a ton of the Bible. Was my heart posture wrong in it all?
“I should have just ate!” Ran across my mind as it is now the end of the day. I then get asked to play rummy (a card game that I suck at) with Danni and Kelly. The moment I started to play the game, the first card that dropped, my wall dropped to. I began to feel it all. The stomach pain, hands hurt, face feels like I just got punched, even my hair was screaming. I vocalized the ironical aspect of it how once I give into the “distraction” is when I start to feel it.
I had a wall up the whole day, when I should have had a door.
I was blocking all the distractions which was super but at what cost? I wasn’t able to hear his voice because I was surrounded and trapped by my own expectations for what this day was supposed to look like.
I am thinking about the story of the sinful woman who bursts into the Pharisees house because she knew Jesus was in there. (Luke 7) She never got an invitation, she sought shelter that God provided and didn’t find peace in her own. I was acting as if it was I who was inviting God into my house, and not the other way around. This fast was basically me just running away. Running away from all the distractions small and big that in my life right now. God never wants us to run away rather run towards. Run towards the one true Savior that can really protect you from the temptations of this world.
I learned an incredible amount during this fast. Nothing, turned into something. It took time for Him to speak to me. The moment I broke down the walls that were prohibiting me in the first place, is the same moment God changed my heart. I will defiantly do a fast again, just going in with a door or gate, so I can keep out the bad and let in the good. I will never run away from my temptations, I will run towards them and run towards God. I wont make my own shelter cause it will fall when the wind picks up but I will find shelter on the rock that God provides.
Never Run Away, Run Towards.
