I promise this will make sense! But I’m gonna start where most things do, in the beginning. I grew up with supportive parents, always smiling and eating donuts. But the feeling of being inadequate starting in high school. I began to see people fall way side to drugs, changing who they were and how the lived there lives. God protected me from that. I saw my friends turn to a over obsessive dependency on alcohol in order to have fun. Still God protected me. My best friend, overtaken by lust and pornography that it changed the way he looked at women. Mentally undressing every woman to cross his path. Still God protected me. My parents divorce, the repercussions from that started to become more evident. God protected me. I can go on and on but I hope you get the picture. God protected me!
This sounds great right! Wow, Breier you really are lucky to have not gone down any of those difficult paths. Stupid Breier, so simple yet I didn’t view it that way. I viewed it as inadequacy to be influential. I can’t be a leader because I haven’t gone through any massive struggles. My testimony wasn’t as powerful as someone who was an alcoholic, did drugs, slept around, battled depression, self harm or suicide. I needed a big obstacle to overcome so that I would then be qualified to do Godly things.
Stupid Breier.
I spent nearly three years with such a strong pull on my heart to carry out what God was calling me to do. But the enemy was smart, brokenness began to settle in. The feeling of being inadequate was debilitating. Three years went by, complacency, just waiting to start but first wanting “something big” to put in my testimony.
A good friend of mine recently asked,
“What the biggest scar in your life that you can teach others about?”
Over the past few months I have had to deal with the fact that I “wasted” three years by believing that thought that I was inadequate. This scar might look different then others but its still a scar. My pain was exactly that…my pain. I answered that question, basically summarizing what is above. I have seen a lot of change in this aspect of my life.
-With change most often comes pain-
I have had to un-break the thoughts that completely debilitated me. The catalyst to the un-breaking has been a key that was given to me that simple says “forgive”. Forgiving others is a difficult task within itself but forgiving yourself is much harder. When you allow God to break you, you declare bankruptcy.
The word bankruptcy is derived from Italian banca rotta, meaning “broken bank”.
Bankruptcy is a legal status of a person or other entity that cannot repay debts to creditors. How relatable is the to our walk with the Lord. We cannot repay what He has done for us. It’s unfathomable to put a number value on our salvation but if we somehow could, we all agree that it would be to much for us to pay, therefore we become bankrupt.
“God, break me. Break me so I can be built up to be more like you. Absolutely break me!”
Immediately after praying that bold prayer, I felt it…..pain! It’s was like re-breaking a bone so you can set it again correctly. I declared bankruptcy.
This scar no longer has a hold over me, but it’s a part of my testimony. And I love it, God will use me to reach people that only my testimony can. I am so happy with where God has called me and what he has called me to do.
I declare bankruptcy!
