(Serbia processing blog)
“You are your own harshest critic.”
Yep that statement fits me perfectly as I am the first to admit that if I screw up, I beat myself up for it, and my mental state goes one of 2 directions: “I want another shot” or “screw this, I never want to do that again for as long as I live.”
It is no secret about my feelings about ATL, let alone my post ATL Vietnam feelings (let’s be honest all of my southeast Asia feelings, really.) and my attitude coming out of that experience was the “screw this, I never want to do ATL again during my race or else I’ll quit” mindset.
But God had other ideas, and he wanted to give me another shot whether or not I wanted that shot.
Spoiler alert: I got ATL again, and I didn’t quit the race over it, but instead round 2 of ATL has turned out to be so awesome.
And I feel like I have redeemed myself this month, which is kinda funny that this redeemed feeling happened during Easter month.
Redemption:
an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed.
deliverance; rescue.
Theology . deliverance from sin; salvation.
atonement for guilt.
Coming from such a awesome month serving in Albania and having such an good start to my 3 months here in Eastern Europe, I was worried about being let down this month with having ATL as I really wanted to be able to enjoy my time here in Eastern Europe. I was worried that the same issues that I faced in Vietnam were going to creep up again here in Serbia, but thankfully, and through the power of prayer as well as the fact that Serbia is an open country when it comes to Christianity & missionaries (unlike Vietnam where it was illegal to be a missionary), things turned out to be not what I had imagined in my mind, and overall this month as been so awesome!
Month 6 debrief was the first debrief out of all that we have had on the race where I actually enjoyed it! So that was a good start to the month. (If you want to read more about that debrief- check out my blog titled Month 6 debrief)
The 2 main issues that I was worried about coming into this month’s ATL were these:
1. That God would go quiet again, and I wouldn’t be able to hear him thus not being able to contribute to my team each day.
2. That instead of bringing my team closer together as sisters, it would drive us apart (This is what I felt happened to my old team in Vietnam)
1. God did not go quiet with me this month, but instead it was the total opposite as I could feel God speaking to me, and giving me some more affirmation about his plans for me. I saw him speak through my teammates also, and to me that was encouraging to see. It was so cool to see the people that he had put into our path from day 1 that we arrived in Novi Pazar, and to see the building of those relationships, and the seeds that we planted here in the people that we met.
2. I feel like my team and I have actually grown closer with one another this month, and I also had the pleasure of getting to know Kyndal (one of our SQLs) who spent the month with us better as well (plus 7 gals living in an 800 sq ft studio apartment also helps too).
So yeah those 2 fears that I had about this month just turned out as another tactic by Satan to get inside my head as he know that is one of my weaknesses.
Spending Easter here was also special as I was also reminded of my own personal redemption through Christ, and how being on the World Race has also given me a whole new sense of redemption as well on a personal level, and having people tell me that they have seen a change in me since I began this journey. I’ll admit that since being in Eastern Europe I have been more homesick then usual since being here reminds me so much of home, and I never really realized just how much being home for Easter meant to me.
So it’s onto Romania next for me, and I’ll be serving with Living Hope Church in Pitesti, Romania for the Month of May.
Prayer requests:
– Safe travel for the squad as we travel to Romania here in a few days
– for my team and I as we serve the people of Pitesti with the church
– For the parents of my squadmates who are traveling for PVT later in May
– For more affirmation from God about my post race plans
– for me maintain focus and to remember to stay present next month (especially during PVT/RVT week) and the fact that I am in the homestretch of the race.
Til next time your fellow sister in Christ,
Bonnie
Team SC
P Squad
Psalms 18:2
YOLO
