I cannot tell a lie for to say that this month has been great would be a lie as while this month has ended on a upward swing the beginning of the month was the hardest that I have had to endure thus far on the race.
First off I want to say that despite the hard times this month, I have really enjoyed this month here in Cambodia, and I have fallen in love with almost everything about Cambodia.
As far the tough stuff this month that pretty much broke me was having to deal with change as if you know me I DO NOT handle change well, and second I had hit the World Race “B zone”, and came close to falling into the “Q” zone. If you were to ask me what my favorite part of the month was? My answer would be going to Angkor Wat & the Killing Fields not doing ministry.
Simply put, I wanted to quit as I felt like I couldn’t handle my team change & I was on the verge of burnout ministry wise for once again I was doing similar ministry for the 5 month in a row, and add to the fact that I went to the Killings Fields also added a who new emotional layer for me as the spiritual energy there was just insane, and that energy really affected me in a way that I didn’t expect it to do to me (but I take full blame as I didn’t fully do what I needed to in order to protect myself from the energy that was there). Add all this up and you get a month of being an emotional mess.
But by the grace of God (and Kaitlin), I somehow convinced myself to stay, and press on because I knew that there were going to be days like that on the race, and even tho those days sucked like no other, I knew that I had to endure them for that was God teaching me to grow for the better, and become a better person, and mama didn’t raise no quitter either.
So here I am at mini debrief reflecting on this month and how much I have grown this month as a person. God has taught me some lessons that I needed to be taught in ways of
to remain open to change and not revert back to my habit of putting my wall back up
stay guarded when coming into a new social setting such as a new team in order to protect myself
Sit still & Be humble, and don’t get jealous of others
serve others well
To surrender it to him & press into him in the good and bad times
That the emotions that I am feeling are valid, and that there are others on my squad who have also felt this way.
How much I hate being vulnerable
keeping my mouth shut & not complaining about things
Sometimes I just need to be shown some tough love in order to get things put back into perspective, and that was what God for me this by having me and my new team serve the squad this month rather then his kingdom, and not to mention a pep talk from my best friend back home also helped me to look at things from a different angle as well.
So yeah all in all this month has emotionally sucked, but I know that I have learned from it, and have grown from it, and I know that in the end I’ll be a better person for it.
Til next time your fellow sister in Christ,
Bonnie
Team SC
Psquad
Psalms 18:2
YOLO
