Ok HOW IN THE HECK IS IT DECEMBER ALREADY!!!!!!! As it does not feel like December to me, but I am thankful that I’m not back home in Michigan tho so there’s a positive to keep in mind.
Anyways…….
Coming into month 2, I was not uber excited about it for I knew that it was going to be all squad month, and to be honest that terrified me as I haven’t lived with that many people since my dorm days back in college and even then I had my own room in which I could stay in, and not have to always have to interact with people, but here I don’t have that luxury as we are on op of each other all of the time having 37 people living together in one house. As a result things quickly went downhill for me as I quickly became extremely irritated with everyone and everything just like the same feeling I had towards the end of training camp to the point of wanting to give up. Not to mention that our ministry this month was hard which it took more of a toll on me then I thought it would have done.
But as I learned that all what I had been feeling during those early weeks were not feelings, thoughts or even actions of my own, but instead all the negetive feelings that I had been experiencing were not my own but instead it was Satan’s way of messing with me. I spent a morning home from ministry to try to fight back, which I did successfully as I quickly nipped that in the bud & sure enough when I did that my attitude did a total 180 as I began to see this month from a different perspective.
Change #1: I saw that I was starting to actually enjoy being around the rest of my squadmates, and I used the rest of the month to try to get to know alot of them better outside of just my team, and I found out that we are a group of crazy, weird yet passionate squad and I even found myself starting to relax & was able to be more of myself around all of them. In all honestly being around all of them has made me feel like i’m in my 20s again.
Change #2: This change wasn’t noticed by me, but instead it was one of my teammates that noticed this change in me as she noticed how much I’ve grown in being able to handle receiving feedback with grace during team time. This for me is a huge deal as before I would groan about feedback time or if one of mt teammates gave me constructive feedback, I would go off & sulk or try to defend myself right there instead of giving it time to sink in or pray about it before coming back to that person to talk more about their heart behind that feedback, but now I take it as gracefully as I can. (Honestly I still dread feedback, but I’ve also learned to keep my mouth shut- another growth area for me as well since I have a tendency to be very vocal about things)
Change #3: I noticed how my view on our ministry changed after my realization as earlier in the month I dreaded going to ministry as I felt like I wasn’t making much of a difference as I am one who likes to see immediate results of my work, plus I was straight up bored out of my mind for we just sat outside on the porch of our resident’s house for 6 hours a day 5 days a week in silence as only a few of my teammates myself included knew just basic Spanish plus most of our residents are non verbal to add to it all. After a nightly phone call to my parents in which I broke down crying, and told them how I was feeling about everything they gave me great advice in which they told me that just by the act of my team and I going to the home everyday like we were, and just sitting with them holding their hand/scratching their backs, playing music or attempting to talk to them in Spanish whether or not they could talk or even understand us at all, that we were making their lives better by just doing all of that and being willing to just be in their presence when most people might not be able to handle all that we were doing, so in a way we are special for just doing all that for the residents as doing what we are doing takes a special kind of strength, and the 37 of us have that special strength to serve people like our residents. Plus I have also learned that I still remember alot of my 5 years of Spanish then I thought I did after all.
Taking part in this ministry this month has also taught me a valuable lesson: to be grateful for what I have & to be able to do the things that I have been able to do with my life as a “normal” person including things like being able to go home at the end of this mission trip to my parents who love me & didn’t abandon me just because I can’t talk right or have a learning issue.
The simple fact that I can walk normal & have great mobility as many of the residents are wheelchair bound or need some form of assistance when walking. I came to this conclusion while helping one of our resident’s, Kelvy, to his PT session. By helping him with this brought back memories of the 5 months when I couldn’t walk properly due to a knee injury in which my knee froze after tearing a muscle in my quad above the knee, so I felt like I could sympathize with him somewhat in that area. It still amazes me just how happy all of the residents seem to be day in and day out while living there. To see that joy in them & the happiness they must feel whenever we arrive for the day, makes me see that no matter what life throws at you, always find joy in the little things.
So yeah this month in Honduras broke me for the better especially in the area of the love language of physical touch as I not normally that type of person, but this month I have learned how to be more of physical touch person as our residents loved to hug & tickle us as well as hold our hands, plus I finally went and got a massage for the first in my life as well so that in itself says something about my acceptance of physical touch.
So I just want to say a huge thank you to Francine, Yolandi, Wendy #1, Roselina, Olga, D, Fieldia aka Flip, Wendy #2, Daniella, Kelvy, and Christian for teaching me a valuable life lesson.
Now it’s on to El Salvador for the month of December!!!!!
Prayer warriors:
Please pray for safe travels for my squad and I as we leave on the 5th to travel to El Salvador & for our mini debrief (especially for our squadmates who are speaking at the debrief) before starting our new ministries.
Pray for my team and I as we get involved in a new ministry (after debrief) this month and for all to go well
Pray for me as I begin taking my malaria preventive as I am very nervous about taking that kind of exotic medication & what side effects I might experience (if any)
Til next time your fellow sister in Christ,
Bonnie
Team Surrendered
P Squad
Psalms 18:2
YOLO
