I’ve been away from home for three weeks now. Some days it feels like I’ve already been gone for months, and others feel like I just got here. Life being away from home has been emotionally and spiritually harder than I was expecting. In a way, I think I tried to avoid thinking about how hard it could be when I was at home. I just thought, ”I’ll deal with that hard stuff later”. Well, the time has come where I’ve started to realize that this is really happening and I really won’t be home for another 8 1/2 months. Everything that feels comfortable, normal, and homey to me is now thrown out the window and it’s time to actually put my faith in full action. Yes, I’ve had to put my faith in Jesus many times in the past, but this season of life involves my faith being tested in a whole new and challenging way. I’ll admit, I’ve already cried a few times because I’ve realized that homesickness is a real thing and it’s tough. The great thing is that through this, God has already been so faithful and comforting.
I wrote out goals for myself and my walk with Jesus this year and one of them was that I want to be a woman who walks boldly in my faith and chooses joy no matter my circumstances. This has been on my heart as I am missing my family, friends, and all of the comforts of home. I realized that I needed to have a perspective change when it comes to thinking about missing home. I need to remind myself of how blessed I am that the Lord chose me before I was even born to be where I am today. He’s been preparing me my whole entire life for these 9 months and I need to embrace getting to see and live in these different cultures. He chose me to be his hands and feet to so many beautiful people all around the globe. I’ve changed my perspective from counting down the months until I’m back home, to embracing each day as an opportunity to be challenged in my faith and to get closer to Jesus in my walk with him. I’m learning how much of a difference it makes to seek the Lord first for my comfort and to really dig deep into my time with him when I’m sad.
Since being here, I’ve asked the Lord over and over why he brought me on this huge journey when I could’ve gone straight to college and I could’ve stayed in my church that I love so much. I just didn’t understand and I knew I wanted to find that out sometime on my race. Well, I got my answer yesterday. Every Thursday we have teachings and the one this week absolutely wrecked my life. We talked about calling and commitment. The speaker kept saying that our call in life is to be loved by God and to do that, we must realize how much he loves us. She said that that our calling is to lay down our lives above who we are in every season for every person. I’ve never thought of it that way and let me tell ya, I was wrecked. At this point, they asked if we were ready for the fire of God to completely transform our lives. I along with the squad, went to the front and got our knees before the Lord. The leaders prayed over each one of us and during this time God began to speak to me. He said very clearly to me that I have never fully believed and realized just how much he adores and loves me. He said that the reason I am here on gap year is because he wants to show me this truth and these 9 months are to truly live that out. He said that these 9 months are to fully accept his love so that I can go home and live that out for the rest of my life. I was an emotional mess because he is so faithful to bring me here and wreck my life so that I can be built up into the woman he wants me to become. During this time, an overwhelming sense of peace and love washed over me and it was like a feeling I’ve never experienced in my life. A verse I’ve been praying over is Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Yes, picking up my cross daily won’t be fun or easy, but it is worth everything because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. His love is eternal, it’s full of grace, and I’m so beyond grateful for that. I’m committing to Romans 5:4 for my race and the rest of my life. “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
I’m so thankful that I’m already being stretched and grown into the woman he wants me to be. Yes, there will be many more tough days, but those days are full of me waking up and choosing joy no matter what. They are full of loving the least of these and being a light so that I can gain so many new brothers and sisters. They are full of investing and being vulnerable with my new community of brothers and sisters so that we can welcome more people into the kingdom. Wow, I’m amazed at how faithful God is to me and I’m thankful for this new season of growth, challenge, abundance, joy, and love. This is not about me, it’s all for him and his glory.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”- Romans 12:12
Ministry this week was the first week of english classes and they went so well! Around 120 kids showed up and they’re divided into three different age groups. I am with the youngest group of kids and they range in age from 3 to elementary school age. There are around 50 of them and they are so sweet! I’ve already taught english to them for three days without an interpreter and I absolutely love it. I may not speak their language, but that doesn’t take my opportunity away to show them the love that their heavenly father has for them. They are so precious and I cannot wait to spend every week with them for the next three months.
Thank you, Jesus for placing me in Guatemala! God is good all the time, all the time God is good!
