But this command I gave them: obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people. And walk in all the way that I command you, that it may be well with you. Jeremiah 7:23
Choosing to surrender the things close to me have always been easier said than done. When it came to my relationship with my Father I had always told myself that if He asks then I would answer the call in complete obedience. When the race started I asked the Lord to break me down in every way and build me back up into the daughter He created me to be. When I arrived in Swaziland in September I was ready and excited to experience what the Lord had in store.
In the past, I had found it difficult to experience His presence and hear His voice. The silence I experienced here was like nothing I had ever encountered, silence magnified everything and before long I could hear him speak to me not just through the small gentle whisper, but through the sights and sounds of this new world around me. My Father is faithful and He answers each of my prayers when I call on Him. He knew more than I the things that I needed to let go to be molded into the daughter He intended me to be. He let the blanket that covered me to slip away just a little and asked me to let go of the things that kept me from hearing him. The things that held me back from walking in freedom with Him.
When He asked me to cut out the idols in my life I was confused. I didn’t think there was anything that I centered my attention on. When I considered the things in my life that I loved I soon came to realize that my hair had a lot of significance in my life. I was more in love with my hair than the Lord. It was the first thing I thought of in the morning and the one thing I would spend money, and countless hours on. I wanted to be loved and sought after. I thought my hair made me beautiful and in turn made me worthy. Instead of looking to my savior for those things I looked to the world to satisfy my thirst. When all along my father was the only one who could quench that thirst to be loved and cherished.
After the Lord revealed to me that my hair was an idol in my life I shoved it aside and went on with my week as normal not wanting to ask the Lord what he wanted me to do. Then during my morning devotionals a couple weeks later the Lord reminded me of a memory of a young girl shaving her head. He then said to me. “You need to deny yourself and cut out the idols in order to follow me.” I instantly became frustrated and to be completely honest I was angry. Why would my Father ask me to give up the only thing that made me feel beautiful? On the walk to my care point that day I walked farther back from the rest of my team. As I talked to Him hot angry tears spilled from my eyes. I knew deep down inside I needed to let go of my hair, but I didn’t want to and I didn’t understand why it had to be this. Why did it have to be me? At that moment I told the Lord to just take my hair right in that moment. Of course, He didn’t He needed me to chose to surrender it.
As the weeks went by I continued to pray for clarity in this situation, I also prayed for courage to act in obedience to do what the He was asking of me. The Lord continued to speak to me through the word and my teammates. Finally November first on a late Thursday evening the Lord told me that it was time to act in obedience. I gathered my team, and dear friend Abigail into the small bathroom. As they gathered around me and prayed I became completely overwhelmed with fear. My hair was sectioned into seven braids one for each of my sisters to cut. I wish I could say that I was strong and brave when they began. But as the first snip happened I could feel myself shaking. In that moment I could feel the Lord holding me up and giving me courage. The holy spirit was so present in that room. With each snip, I felt lighter. As they began to shave my head I looked over and saw the braided pieces of my hair lying in the sink. It suddenly didn’t look so beautiful. it was just a dry and frizzy mess.
After they finished shaving my head I was handed a small handheld mirror to look in. As I brought the mirror to my face the person that looked back at me had changed. She looked radiant, beautiful, strong, courageous, bold, and most importantly she looked free.
Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. Psalm 34:5
