One day last week I decided to get my hair cut, Race life is hard on your skin and hair. I went in for a trim, but I must have somehow not been clear and the woman ended up cutting way more of my hair. Y’all, I cried. As silly as that sounds, I cried walking back to the chalet we were staying in. You see, I have been struggling with insecurities and not feeling beautiful this month. When I looked at my hair I instantly hated it, I felt like a cross between Mrs. Brady and an English schoolboy. My hair has since been added to my list of insecurities and enhanced my self-doubt.
That evening I went to see my friend Lilo. Earlier that day, before my haircut, I had gone for a walk on the beach. While I was walking I found some of the prettiest seashells I have ever seen. I grabbed them, eager to give them to my sweet little friend. Lilo was thrilled to receive the shells and quickly added them to her collections. As we sat and talked I realized our hair was now the same length. I told Lilo that we had matching hair now and was ecstatic. She cupped her face with her hands, squealing with joy. It was incredibly endearing and in that moment I loved my hair.
Unfortunately, that feeling was fleeting. This week I have continued to struggle with insecurities. Y’all I seriously hate my hair so much. Beyond that I have been insecure in other areas as well. I have allowed these insecurities to consume me and rob me of so much of my joy. This evening as I was preparing to go to bed I looked at my reflection and frustration washed over me. Frustration with with my hair, frustrated for feeling insecure, frustration with not feeling beautiful, frustration for being frustrated, etc. Then the image of Lilo cupping her face with joy came to my mind. As I saw Lilo’s face in my mind’s eye I heard the word “delighted.” Lilo DELIGHTED in my haircut, she thought it was simply amazing. She did not think I looked like an English schoolboy, but rather got joy from my hair. As I reflected in Lilo’s reaction, I was reminded that in the same way Lilo delighted in me, so does the Lord.
Psalm 147:11 says, “the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”
Despite all of my shortcomings and all of my insecurities the Lord looks on me with DELIGHT, with LOVE and with JOY. He is not even slightly concerned by my hair. When He looks at me, He simply sees His precious daughter. And friends, He looks at you the same way. He does not see your love handles, your moles, your scars, your mistakes, your addiction, your past. Through Jesus’s scarafice on the cross we have been washed white as snow. We are pure, clean and made holy. The Lord looks at us the same way a groom looks at his bride as she walks down the isle towards him. He looks at us the same way a mother gazes at her newborn. He looks at us the same way we look at mountains, sunsets over the ocean and a sky full of stars- with awe, wonder and amazement. I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around that. The Lord does not see any of crap, He simply sees beauty, thanks to our Savior.
Fighting insecurities is challenging. We are constantly bombarded as we go throughout our day by images of what the world says we should be. We are told how we should look, dress, act. We are forced to fit into a certain mold, into a box. That is not how we were created to be. Each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. Each one of us is unique. Each one of us is delighted in by our Creator. So smash the box and break the mold. Boldly face your reflection and remind yourself of the truths the Lord says you are- chosen, adopted, beautiful, wanted, counted, heir, worth dying for. You are oh so loved exactly as you are, by the Lord and by me!
All my love,
Bekah
