What do you do when the tears simply will not fall? When your heart is heavy and your soul is weary? Where do you turn when you feel trapped in your frustration, isolated by your anxiety? What do you do when you feel as if you have lost your sense of awe and wonder? How do you function when even smiling feels hard? What do you do when the Lord has you on a journey of a lifetime, but all you want is to lay in bed? When you feel caught in a period of waiting? What do you do when you feel like Eeyore in a world where you just want to be Tigger?
Yes, I just referenced Winnie-the-Pooh in my blog. Growing up my family affectionately called me “Bekah Boo Bear” so it was only natural that I grew fond of Winnie-the-Pooh Bear, how could I not with such similarities in our names? Pooh Bear and his woodland friends continue to have a special place in my heart, even now at the age of twenty-four. For anyone who is not familiar with this franchise, Eeyore is a sad, gloomy donkey- the kind of character you see a rain cloud floating above in cartoons. Tigger is a bouncy, energetic tiger- he rarely stays still, always on the go ready to talk to the next person or find the next adventure. They live in the Hundred Acre Woods with Pooh Bear and their other friends.
Lately, I have felt like Eeyore. I have felt caught in a dense fog, like there is a dark cloud looming over me. I have been frustrated with the Lord, crying out to Him. My heart has felt shattered by the weight of the injustices I have seen. I have left torn between where I am and things that are going on elsewhere. I have felt far away from people who need me. I have felt helpless. I have felt trapped in lies the enemy has been feeding me. I have wanted to multiply myself, to be in six places at once. I have wanted to scream, to punch a wall. I have been blind to the areas the Lord is moving, allowing myself to think He had become stagnate. I have laid in bed feeling lifeless, feeling like getting up seemed nearly impossible.
So, what do you do when you feel like Eeyore in a world where you just want to be Tigger?
You fall on your knees in desperation. You ask your teammates to pray over you. You reach out to close friends and allow them to support you. You are honest with the Lord- you tell Him why you are frustrated, why you are hurting, what you feel like you need, what you want. You stop belittling your emotions and begin to accept them, to embrace them. You are honest with yourself- you acknowledge where you are and then you refuse to stay there. You fight. You tell Satan to march right on back to Hell, rebuking his lies. You remind yourself that your Father has already defeated him! That he has no power and no place near you. You make a killer worship playlist and listen to it nonstop. You immerse yourself in your bible, praying the Lord’s truths over yourself as you read them.
Before you know it, you’ll run into the ocean in your dress. You’ll dance with the Lord in worship, allowing Him to twirl you around as if you were a child. You’ll find joy in watching monkeys chase each other, wrestling over the spoiled banana you threw into the jungle. You’ll stop and play soccer with the boys who live down the road. You’ll laugh and it will be effortless. You’ll be mesmerized by the ocean as you watch the waves crash onto the shore. You’ll allow yourself to go out into it and float, to rest back into the water and picture yourself resting into Papa’s arms. You’ll lay there looking up at the sky and remind yourself of His promises. You will receive the love He is pouring out to you. You will start to see all of the sweet gifts He is giving you, all of the gentle reminders of His love He is surrounding you with. Then, the Lord gave me the sweetest gift of all.
Sweet friends today Papa blessed me in the sweetest way. Today He gave me tears. Tears I have been desperate to shed for weeks. Today the Lord showed me that He is actively answering my biggest prayer, my heart’s deepest cry. Today I cried tears of relief, of gratitude, of praise.
What do you do when the Lord restores your soul and allows you to return to your usual Tigger-self?
You praise Him. You fall to your knees in worship. You let the tears fall. You grab your teammates and let them celebrate with you. You dance around your room. You find joy in the smallest things. You find beauty in everything. You bounce down the sidewalk and smile at everyone you pass by. You go to your favorite little restaurant, order your favorite iced coffee and watch the world- with your renewed sense of awe and wonder. You reach out to people to remind them of the Lord’s goodness. You say thank you.
Thank you Papa. Thank you for restoring my soul, for reminding me of your faithfulness. Thank you for the gift of childlike awe and wonder. Thank you for the gift of JOY. Thank you for the happiness these crazy Malaysian monkeys bring me. Thank you for the beach- for the salty air, for sand between my toes, for refreshing waves, for sunshine, for the ability to float. Thank you for twirling me around in worship. Thank you for teammates who love me well, who run into the ocean in their clothes with me. Thank you for being the God that You are. Thank you for your extravagant love, for loving those who have been heavy on my heart far more than I ever could, for loving me far more than I deserve. Thank you for being ever-present, never changing, merciful and gracious.
And thank you Christopher Robin. Thank you for inspiring your father to write books about your cuddly teddy bear. Thank you for simply being a child playing with your toys. Thank you for just doing what children do. Thank you for being the inspiration to a franchise that I adored as a young girl and have found relatable in this season.
Praying for those of you who can relate to this, for those of you who feel like Eeyore. Praying that the Lord would flood you with His peace, love and joy. Praying that you are able to reconnect with your childhood self, to see the magic that is happening all around you, the beauty.
All my love,
Bekah
