November 9th
This day. This date. It comes with many emotions: joy, sorrow, relief, grief…
On this day, I will refrain from saying how many years ago, my hilarious, kind-hearted, queen of crafting aunt Kelly was born. Happy birthday!!
On this day two years ago I experienced my first real loss. On this day two years ago my strong, brave uncle passed. My uncle fought prostate cancer valiantly and courageously. My sweet grandma lost her son. My loving mother and aunt lost their brother. My cousins lost their father. My family lost a loving, goofy man. A man who served proudly for the Marines. A man who worked harder than most. A man who taught me how to properly eat shrimp and showed me what it is like to look fear in the eyes and say “bring it on.” Uncle Allen, we remember you always, but extra today. We remember the laughter, the good times, the love. You are with us always.
On this day, as I write, my handsome, smart, witty little brother is having his second surgery after a major life event. A man who I will always see as a curly haired little boy with missing front teeth. A man whose life was flipped and turned upside down. A man who has had to pause his life for months. He should be at Purdue preparing for his first college finals, but today he lays in a hospital. He should have spent the last couple of months studying, making new friends, exploring campus and attending football games rather than being stuck at home full of eager anticipation. Today I wish that I could undo the events that unfolded that Sunday afternoon. Today I wish that my baby brother was hours away from me in a physics lab, letting his laundry pile up because he knows mom will do it when he comes home for Thanksgiving. Today I am exuberant that I still have a brother.
Today is a day that comes with sinking feeling in my stomach. Today is a day that causes me to pause. Today is a day that makes me want to write. To stop and process my thoughts. Today is a day that I want to crawl in the lap of our Father and seek rest for my heavy heart. Today I miss my uncle. Today my heart breaks for my family. Today I feel joy for my brother as he will finally be able to begin to resume normal life. At the same time, my heart mourns for my brother as he is getting a permanent reminder of what will likely be the most traumatic day of his life. Today I feel like my poor mama deserves the entire world. Today I am astonished by her strength. Today I am grateful to have such a fun aunt to do life with.
This may not have been the blog you expected or looked for, as it does not pertain to the World Race. This is about me. I am sharing this with all of you because I am going to set a standard for myself. If you are reading this blog, then to some degree you have invested interest in my journey. Whether you a one of my financial or spiritual supporters, a curious bystander, a faithful reader or a dear friend. By following my blog, you are agreeing to do life with me for the next year. I promise that if you follow my journey on the World Race that I will be vulnerable and raw with you. I will share my joy as well as my sorrow.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and allowing me to process my feelings in word.
All my love,
Bekah
