So here I am in Valle de Angeles (the Valley of Angels), Honduras on Month 2 of the Race. It’s one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. We are surrounded by the mountains that are covered in larger than life pine trees and vegetation. The hills are so green, the sky is so blue, and the clouds are so white it’s like a painting in a museum. Driving into the Valley I just KNEW it was going to be a GREAT month. When we first learned that our ministry this month would be working with disabled adults I was excited. I thought “what a great change of pace from the usual VBS, and manual labor.” When we approached the gated complex our ministry host suggested that we remove anything dangling or sparkling from the outside of our bags and put away anything that was valuable. I was pretty confused by these instructions. It wasn’t until we entered the gate and I looked around at the residents that I realized that we would be serving mentally disabled adults. I was instantly terrified. All the positivity I had about the Valley was gone in a flash.
In the past, I have had a couple of violent encounters with individuals with mental disabilities. Those encounters kept replaying over and over in my head. The first morning of ministry consisted of getting a tour of the campus and being assigned houses that we would serve in for the rest of the month. Not only was I scared but I also felt like a terrible person for being afraid. Why was I afraid of a person just because they were different than me? I couldn’t fully understand it but I also couldn’t shake it. When we went home for lunch I spent the that time in prayer because I knew that to make it through this month and even the rest of the day was going to require so much more than I had the ability to give on my own. I surrendered my fear and picked up the spirt power, love, and a sound mind. I surrendered the disgust I had with myself for how I was feeling towards the people I had encountered and picked up the vision of love and grace through which God sees me.
One thing that has been consistent about me since as far back as I can remember is that I don’t like to be touched. I don’t like giving hugs and physical contact makes me uncomfortable. Welp! I am serving a group of people who have absolutely no concept of personal space. At first, I found the constant hugging and holding hands extremely draining. Well honestly I still find it completely draining. But, God is challenging me to find the beauty in touch.
I don’t speak very much Spanish and on top of that most of the residents have very limited or even non existent verbal communication abilities. So, what if touch is the only way to show someone love? Am I willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of showing the love of Christ? Yesterday a man named Juan grabbed me by my collar, pulled me down to his level, and pressed his face to the side of mine while he smelled me for about 45 seconds.
1. It was pretty forceful and actually choked me a little bit.
2. It completely caught me off guard because he grabbed me from behind and I didn’t see him coming.
But in that moment I had to surrender my natural reaction and accept that the best way for him to gain an understanding of who I am was to smell me and the best way for me to show him who I am was for me to allow myself to be smelled. Serving God can look like allowing someone to hold my hand for 30 mins while we walk across town to the park. And even when I desperately want to let go, because my hand is sweating so badly that it’s dripping off my fingertips, I keep holding on because he’s still holding on. I nod my head as he tells me a constant flow of unintelligible things that he is dying to share with someone and I smile.
My teammates said “we love how animated you are and how much you smile during ministry this month!” My response “There are so many things I’d only do for God.”
Video Update:
This is my latest vlog which shows the end of my time in Belize. My next video will be from my time here in Honduras and you’ll get to see some of the beautiful souls I’ve had the pleasure of serving here. Enjoy!
