Hi, I’m awkward, err, I mean Ashley. Yes, I’m the one who waved at you when in reality we don’t know each other and you were clearly waving at someone behind me. I’m also the one that thought you were holding the door open for me, so I accidently quite rudely cut you off as you were trying to walk through at the same time (this actually happened, like, within the past week).
I’m not a big talker. Which is fine, everyone’s different, but there are times in life when I just really reeeaaalllyyy wish I was. Or at least, better at basic communication and people skills (why I work in retail is beyond me). So many people tell me that when we first met, I came across to them as rude or stuck up just because I don’t talk that much. What?! I definitely don’t think of myself as some distinguished individual who couldn’t bear to be seen conversing with you. Honestly, I’ve got about as much class as a slug. Probably less.
I just don’t always know what to say. I mean, I know what to say, I just have trouble getting it out. My words seem to lose their way from my brain to my mouth. This becomes quite problematic for someone who has so much to say that their brain is overloaded with nuggets of information and opinions but just can’t. I don’t know why, I’ve never been able to figure out why I’m like this. I suppose I get it from my Mom. The quiet nature with a wise mind, the fact that you can sit still and listen but don’t have to fill empty air with empty words to feel like you’re part of the conversation, or the beauty of using words when they’re most purposeful (I’m just going on about her at this point, haha).
Recently I finished reading the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It is absolutely fantastic and definitely worth picking up. It follows the life of a young shepherd who comes across people from different walks of life, language, and religion. In meeting these people, he realizes that he is still able to communicate with them, even though they might not speak the same language. He remembers how the idea of a ‘universal language’ helped him ‘speak’ to his sheep as he was herding them, and how in turn he was able to read his flock and decipher their needs when they came, even though they obviously weren’t able to communicate through words.
This book reminded me so much of my time in India. I definitely could not speak a word of Telegu or Hindi (what am I saying, I still can’t), and the younger kids who had studied English only knew a few words here and there. Whenever there wasn’t a translator around, our team got by through our terrible interpretations of what was being said. Most of the time, it resulted in us loosing a game because we didn’t understand the rules correctly, and all of the time, it ended in some sort of organized chaos that was messy, but we all loved and got a good laugh from. And that’s the thing, sure I spoke English to my teammates when I could, but I spent so much time with the kids and never said a word. It was my presence, just being there to play and dance and make crafts, that alone spoke louder than any words I could try to say. It’s something so evident everywhere, but we often don’t think about, let alone take the time to simply ‘be present’.
It helped me realize that hey, yeah I’m definitely weird and awkward and can’t do English right, but it doesn’t matter. God will use us in the exact way He’s always planned. Whether it’s making up games with kids who don’t understand you or preaching in front of huge crowds, He’ll give you the words you need when you need them the most (personally, I’m hoping I wont end up on the latter end of that example…just sayin’ Lord).
So I suppose, in a way, we don’t always need words to communicate. God knows what’s truly in our hearts, and we all smile in the same language.
Let your adornment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
-1 Peter 3:4
