I’ve noticed in myself and in others a peculiar habit. A habit of always looking to the past or the future but not the present.
We are constantly running from our problems, thinking that by leaving something and starting something new our problems will disappear. But they don’t, they only change.
And soon we find ourselves looking to the past we complained about so much and wishing we were there. Our present never seems good enough until it’s gone. And when it’s gone even the things that annoyed us are sweet memories we miss.
On the race we have said a lot of goodbyes. It often took me until the goodbyes to realize how much I truly cared.
Now I can see. I know what the final goodbye will mean. At least to some extent. Still, I think there will be things I never recognized.
I know it is possible to truly live in the present, but I think there will always be things we can’t truly appreciate until they are missed. With this, I have learned to simply remember and recognize.
As I walk up the hill every morning, I try to remember, even while I drag behind my team, that one day I will miss that hill, I will look back fondly on this place, no matter the little things that annoy me now.
I try to recognize the things that are here one moment and gone the next, so I can truly see them before they are gone, so I can thank God for what he has placed in front of me today.
Because tomorrow is not a promise. Each day holds something new, and often things change in the blink of an eye.
I went into the race fearing change. The unknown terrified me. Now I know the unknown brings new wonders and new beauty. Yes, it brings new troubles too, but the unknown is simply a new season.
In summer I miss the snow, and in winter I miss the sun. I never seem to be able to make up my mind. Without the snow I could never appreciate the sun, and without the sun I could never appreciate the snow. I think that’s what changes are for, so we can look back and see the things we couldn’t appreciate before.
Still, I hope that in each season I can enjoy what is in front of me before it’s too late. I want to love to the fullest I can. I don’t want to let the beauty slip between my fingers because I’m too busy looking backwards or forwards. What good would it do if I spent the summer despising the heat only to get to winter and despise the cold. I would miss the wonder of so many things each season brings.
Will I ever see the people who quickly became my friends and family again? Will I ever hug them again? Will I ever set foot on those streets again? Will I ever see these different homes again? I can’t say. Yet I know these faces and places are engraved on my heart. I leave each time with the realization of what it all truly meant to me. I cling to the hope that I loved to the fullest I could, and that I didn’t waste the time I had. I know I tried. It’s a crazy, wonderful life we’re living, let’s not let it slip through our fingers without making the most of what we have.
