“Do you trust me?” God asks.
“Do you trust me enough to be still so I can fight for you?”
“Do trust me enough to still say I am good even when you don’t understand the circumstances in your life.”
“Will you say I’m good even if I don’t show up in the way you expect?”
Sometimes I pray and pray for something, and God just doesn’t show up in the way I hope. Sometimes my little world seems to crumble out from under me and I don’t know where I can stand. How can I trust in God when everything is falling apart and everything I hoped and prayed for just doesn’t happen? Where can I stand when I feel like God has let me down? How can I look in the face of brokeness and still believe God is good?
In those moments, in the pain, I run to God. I demand him to make everything better. Sometimes He does and sometimes He doesn’t, but He always gives me somewhere to stand. He is the foundation of my little world. When everything is falling apart He reminds me of His promises and of His work in my life. He promises to complete the good word he has begun (Philippians 1:6). He reminds me that he is working all things together for the good of those who love God (Romans 8:28). The hard things in my life are not pointless. I can stand on God’s goodness even in the dark. For faith is confidence in the things we hope for and assurance about the things we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1). In those times I have to take a second and remember everything God has done in my life, and all the times He has provided for me.
Sometimes I pray and pray for something and God does show up. He wows me and humbles me with His miraculous glory. He brings things into reality that seemed impossible. In those moments I rise up on wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31). I believe with everything I am that God is for me and nothing can stand against me (Romans 8:31).
Through both of these seasons, God asks me to trust him. He asks me to stop trying to do everything in my own strength. He reminds me it’s not all about me. God taught me a hard lesson today. He showed me how I’m like Samson. The story of Samson in Judges is on of my least favorite stories in the Bible. Yet, it tends to be the people in the Bible who we think fall short the most that we are the most like. You know what they say, the truth hurts.
Samson is very strong because he has the spirit of God upon him giving him supernatural strength. Yet, whenever things are going well for him he boasts in himself. When things are hard he cries out to God and God shows up, but then when things are going well he forgets to praise God. He does this again and again with Delilah, delighting everytime he breaks free of her entrapments. Even when He tells Delilah about His hair, he assumes that He will still have the Lord’s strength, but he doesn’t because he neglected over and over to praise God for what God had given him. (Judges 13-16).
I fall into this a lot as well. I forget to give God credit for what he has given me. I forget that I need his strength and not my own. I try to accomplish the dreams God has put on my heart in my own strength. I forget to include God in my goals. I don’t trust him to bring me through the hard things. I prize what God has done in me not because God did it but because God used me, but it was never about me. The things God gives me were never solely mine.
The future is uncertain. I don’t know if God will answer my prayers today, but I can stand on His promises and remember all the answered prayers He has given me. If I choose, I can trust God. If I want, I can recognize everything God has given me. I can give my dreams to God and dream with Him of the future. It’s not about me or what I can do, it’s about God and what He is already doing. Am I willing to go? Am I willing to be used by God for something bigger than myself. Am I willing to lay down my pride and trust that God is moving even when I don’t understand. If I am, God will guide my path. My vision will be doing the things I was created to do. My values will be the values of my Father’s heart. My steps will be saying yes and yes and yes to God’s plan.
