To preface, I’ve been sitting on this for a while now and I’m finally just sitting down and writing, which means I’m also just going to write this stream of consciousness (sorry, not sorry).
When I graduated from NYU about 13 months ago and got home, I remember one of the first things that my mother asked me was if I had “met anyone.” I curtly told her “no,” because I hadn’t. My four years in university had been the longest time that I hadn’t been in a romantic relationship, and it was the Lord’s doing and I’m grateful for it now. But, during those four years, I struggled with bitterness in my state of singleness. I hated being around boys my age (boys, not men) because they wanted to go clubbing and drink and were impressed that I wanted to be a teacher. Let’s be honest, there is no way to build much of anything on that. Eventually, I got plugged into geninue Christian mind with wonderful, God-fearing men that showed me what it looked like to have a real, deep conversation in a completely platonic relationship. At the end of that time, I made a covenant with the Lord that I wasn’t going to date or get married because of my history with romantic relationships, unless He so clearly changed my heart mind toward it in accordance to His will for the benefit of His Kingdom (I Corinthians 7).
During Training Camp, our entire squad signed a covenant before each other and God. A portion of it basically said no dating, no talking about dating, and don’t do anything that would distract anyone else or even make them stumble. I was completely on board because I already had made a covenant with God.
Throughout the Race, the Lord put so many people in my path that made me stop, think, and eventually reevaluate my thoughts on my future, my ministry, my family, and even marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m nowhere near ready to start a romantic relationship, let alone get married, but I will do both if and only if it will drastically multiply the ministry that the Lord has me do.
It’s also been hard to be surrounded by so many women who are older than me. There are so many conversations about dating, marriage, and future family life. And, it’s been so hard to relate to them in that way because that has never really been a focus of the past few years of my life or any of it really. Especially with my first two teams being all female, there were so many conversations about relationships and everything else. And, I always felt like a Debby Downer because I didn’t want to engage in that conversational topic, ever. My first team quickly heard my thoughts about dating and marriage because one of my then teammates is in a long-term relationship and they are preparing to get married (quick side note: I’m SOOOOO excited for their union and what God is going to have them do together, because I know it will be bigger and better once they are married).
It didn’t get any easier being on a co-ed team. I feel like I have never talked about marriage and dating so much before in my life before these past three months. I was especially unprepared because I thought we would talk about it less. In that time, the Lord revealed to me some heavy stuff (if you want to know more, let’s get coffee) and was delivered from it. In that time, I also allowed myself to acknowledge that my views on dating and marriage have actually changed.
Long story, short: I’ve changed, at least a little bit, on the Race. Which means it’s going to take me probably about another six months to see the other ways that I’ve changed and what I’ve learned during this 11-month, 11-country galavant seeking God and pursuing His Kingdom.
Happy summer,
Angie moore
