A few days ago I woke up and was almost immediately hit with anxiety about the future. What are my plans after the Race? I don’t really have any, to be honest. I haven’t received any specific direction from the Lord about that yet, and even 6 months out from finishing, I’m feeling the pressure to know and to decide. A part of me was a little nervous about jumping into the Race, knowing that the sooner I started, the sooner I ended, and the sooner I would need to have a ‘plan.’ Suddenly I realized that those post high school/post college major life decisions don’t actually end after high school or college. Life is FILLED with major life decisions, and a whole lotta small ones in between, which sometimes actually lead into the major ones.
I’ve also experienced some frustrations lately with hearing God’s voice. I don’t feel like I’ve grown in this area like I had thought or hoped that I would by month 5 of the Race, and that makes my heart sad. Maybe I’m just so focused on hearing Him in one particular way that I’m not paying attention to all the other ways He’s trying to get my attention. I haven’t quite figured it out yet. The Lord is leading me through some of these concerns though, and He’s showing me that He’s right here with me, even when I have a hard time feeling it or understanding His timing.
That same morning I sat down at a coffee shop (surrounded by Cambodian men, mind you…it was really pretty hilarious), and tried to focus. I opened my Bible to Psalm 27, which is a well-worn passage for me. Verse 14 jumped off the page at me, “Wait patiently for the LORD. Be strong and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.” Suddenly, a journal entry came to mind, which I typed up in 2013 and had recently reviewed before coming on the Race. I’ll share a little excerpt from this entry, which I found relates perfectly to what the Lord was already speaking:
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“I really do believe that little by little, as we continue walking forward and listening for the Lord’s direction, He will give us eyes to see and open paths before us. I was encouraged by Psalm 27:14 this morning, “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” I feel like God is teaching me right now about potential energy (or PE, if you’ve taken any physics). He’s been speaking a lot about the Inheritance we have in Him just waiting for us to walk it out, the Promises that are awaiting our belief and claiming for them to be released, and the Spirit He put inside of us – the New Man, so-to-speak – that He is calling forth into existence, as He is giving us eyes to see in the darkness that which He sees as in broad daylight; to see ourselves as He sees us and to choose belief and living life in that Reality. Essentially, He’s been speaking to my heart a ‘call to action’ as my disciple eloquently termed it. And while we are called to actively respond to the Inheritance and Promises and Identity we have in Christ, there is a simultaneous waiting involved. Which leads to another great verse that I just recently looked up…Psalm 37:7a, which says, “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…” The Hebrew word for “patiently” in that verse actually means, “to dance, twirl, tremble, travail, fear, whirl about, to bear” etc., so really, even in our waiting and our “still”ness, we are still called to action. But I think the point I’m getting at, and learning in the process of typing this out, is that while the ‘waiting’ that He requires of us in a season of not yet having received what we are hoping and asking for does require us to..well, wait..that waiting is an active kind of waiting, not passive. I believe He is calling us to actively hope, actively believe, cry out for understanding, speak forth repetitively His character and Promises toward us, remind Him of them and bring to mind for ourselves His faithfulness in the past. I believe He is calling us to humble ourselves, search out what He has in mind for us, and to walk boldly forward into it.”
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“Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him…” (Psalm 37:7a)
“wait patiently” from Blueletter Bible’s Lexicon :: Strong’s H2342 – chuwl
Outline of Biblical Usage [?]
1 to twist, whirl, dance, writhe, fear, tremble, travail, be in anguish, be pained
1 (Qal)
1 to dance
2 to twist, writhe
3 to whirl, whirl about
2 (Polel)
1 to dance
2 to writhe (in travail with), bear, bring forth
3 to wait anxiously
3 (Pulal)
1 to be made to writhe, be made to bear
2 to be brought forth
4 (Hophal) to be born
5 (Hithpolel)
1 whirling (participle)
2 writhing, suffering torture (participle)
3 to wait longingly
6 (Hithpalpel) to be distressed
“to dance, twirl, tremble, travail, fear, whirl about, to bear”
According to this verse, there isn’t much passivity when it comes to waiting. Which actually makes a lot of sense when you consider that abiding is also not passive, and is takes active abiding in Him to wait WITH Him, not just ON Him. Passive waiting can cause detachment; but pressing into His heart and His Word, spending time in His Presence and calling His faithfulness to mind by faith, even in the presence of impossible circumstances and unanswered prayers can cause a deepening dependence on Him that cannot be achieved without walking through these valleys of waiting.
Later that same day that I was reminded of this word from the Lord, one of my best friends from home sent me a Marco Polo. Without having talked to her at all that day, she started her message by reading Psalm 27 to me. She said she felt the Lord put me strong on her heart while she was reading the passage that morning. She then went on to focus on verse 14, which is the same passage that stood out to me earlier that day – “Wait patiently for the LORD. Be strong and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.” She encouraged me that I could be certain that I could trust the Lord in the waiting. She then continued on to talk about the same comparable passage in Psalm 37:7…”Hey, do you remember that time when we were sitting in church and you taught me that this verse actually means to twirl violently and to dance? So keep dancing for Him and keep singing to Him in the waiting, like celebrating and prophecying almost, cause He said He’s gonna do it so we can be sure He’s gonna do it.” She related it to pregnancy that it’s still as true and real there’s a baby growing inside of a sweet pregnant belly, even though you can’t see the baby for a whole 9 months. We just need eyes to see what the promise looks like at this current stage of waiting before it comes to full fruition. We will miss out on what He’s doing and a lot of working with Him if we are just looking for the finished product.
And then TODAY I decided to re-read the card that my same friend wrote for me to open on Month 5 before I left for the Race. This card has the SAME themes throughout, which she wrote over 5 months ago and couldn’t have had any idea that this was the season that all those themes would have come rising back up to the surface:
^^^I’m convinced that Trader Joes had to have written this card from personal experience of moto travel in Southeast Asia^^^
I’m amazed at how the Lord speaks to me through others. Waiting on the Lord was not necessarily a topic that was in the forefront of my mind. I didn’t really realize that “waiting” was something He was calling me to right now, since I’m in the middle of ‘running the Race’. But alas, He’s been pretty clear in the last few days that I actually am in a season of waiting, and that He’s calling me to be active in the process. Not only active, but dancing in the process…and I love to dance 🙂
Meet Abi, my sweet friend who I was referring throughout this blog! Abs works for AIM is well-versed with international travel and waiting with the Lord. We took this pic right before I launched for the Race 😀 I miss that girl somethin fierce!
Finally finally, a song that the Lord has characteristically used to help me through seasons of waiting in the past is “To Those Who Wait” by Bethany Dillon/Bernard.
If you wanna give it a listen, you can check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFf-WaFJRTI
I don’t have it all figured out, but if you’re in a season of waiting, I feel you, and I believe the Lord wants to meet you in that place, to sit down alongside you, then to extend His hand to you, inviting you to dance with Him through your season. And in the waiting, you will stay in step and in sync with Him. Let Him lead you.
