Singing the Bon Jovi song now? Good! It’s one of my dad’s favorites!
Has it really been 5 and a half months already?!?!?!
My mind cannot fully grasp the fact that the Race is over halfway through. I’m sitting in one of the many cafes I’ve visited in Hyderabad, India, sipping a delicious masala chai, trying to come up with words on how I’m feeling. Sad? Excited? A little overwhelmed? Yes! All the feels. In 5 months, I will be getting on a plane and instead of going to another country I’ve never been to before, I’m going home; back to reality, back to my comforts, back to my friends and family. No ministry setup sheet, no logistical planning, no more living out of a backpack. Home.
On one hand, I cannot wait to see my people and give them huge hugs and kisses. To sit back in the comforts of my living room, curled up in my own bed with my pupper Luke, seeing my niece and nephew, and having the freedom and independence to go anywhere I want by myself, is something that crosses my mind very frequently. I can’t wait to get in my car and just drive! As waves of homesickness and loneliness hit me, all I can think about is how excited I’m going to be to be back home. Can time go quicker?
On the other hand, I’ve been living this spontaneous, uncomfortable yet exhilarating life for about 6 months and can’t imagine stopping. Not that I’ll be trapped when I return home, but it’s going to be so different. I won’t be living with my WR friends or moving and changing scenery every month (unless I really want to lol, but probably not). My life won’t be the same. I don’t know if I’m ready to go home; if I’m ready to slow down. I have no idea what I’m going to do and that in itself is scary. I don’t know what my next season of life is going to look like. Will I move back in with my parents? Will I get a nursing job? Will I do more mission work internationally? Will I move to another city or state or country? Will I work with AIM? These questions fill my head. Home means security, but also uncertainty. I’m constantly walking through the unknown on the Race, but at this point, I expect it. I’m used to the uncontrol and spontaneous movement. It’s what I signed up for. Now, I’m able to control what I do next and I have no idea. Can time please slow down so I can figure this out?
I’m fighting this massive mental battle. Realizing this season is coming to an end, I’m forced to think about what’s next. Change is always good, but it’s also so very hard. The Race life has become comfortable for me and now I’ll be leaving and, yet again, stepping into the uncomfortable. It’s interesting how much I’ve changed. What once was my comfort is now going to be a stretch for me.
The life I’m currently living feels like a dream. I would never have believed people if they told me that I would help clean out a medical storage unit for a month just to hear 2 days after we leave that because of what we did, the supplies were easily distributed when a natural disaster came through; that I would help with a cerebral palsy camp and empower beautiful mama’s; that I would help build a log cabin to house future missionaries; that I would stand on stage, singing in the worship band of a huge church; that I would spend a week in the hot bush of Botswana and go door to door (more like hut to hut, really), preaching the good news and praying for the unreached; that I would help give babies much needed immunizations in a rural village of Zambia after almost losing my life; that I would witness HIV fleeing from a woman’s body, deaf hearing and blind seeing through powerful prayer; and that I would have 9 little brothers in India where I’d preach to hundreds of people about what the Lord has and is continuing to do in my life. Dreams I never thought were dreams of mine have come true in just 6 short months. I have hundreds of stories from what the Race has shown me and what God has done. I know these won’t end once I go home, but again, it won’t be the same.
“The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works. The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.” Psalm 145:13-18
Although my mind is conflicted, I’m trying my best to stay present. I’m clinging onto these verses and the truth that the Lord will point me in a direction that follows his will and it’s going to be absolutely amazing! The Race isn’t just a mission trip, but life and I know life will continue moving wherever I go. It’ll look different, but that’s where it gets fun. Here’s to the next 5 months!!!
Now that my chai is done, I’ll have to sign off. I love you guys!
~A
