Okay, so hate is a pretty strong word to use here, but it did get your attention, right?! Dislike would be more of what I’m shooting for, but you get the idea.
I want to share with you a little piece of my testimony about surrendering preconceived thoughts and trusting that the Lord has good things in store, even if it looks like an impossible wall to climb.
I walked into training camp excited to meet the squad and finally be able to put voices to faces and faces to names. We had only communicated over social media at this point, so seeing them in person was something I had been looking forward to. Little did I know that on day one, there would be a girl in my squad that for some reason got under my skin. She hadn’t written a blog or spoken in the group chat, so I had literally no idea who this chick was. At first glance, she showed a rough exterior, had a strong personality, had an interesting sense of humor that I didn’t understand, and reminded me of someone in my life that annoyed the living-goodness out of me. She just hit a nerve in me that came out of nowhere and I didn’t know what to do about it, so I avoided her.
I spent a morning crying out to the Lord, asking for clarity on why I was having such strong emotions towards someone I knew nothing about.
“I don’t want her on my team. I don’t know what is is about her, but she doesn’t seem like she wants to be here and if she’s on my team, I know we’re going to have conflict and that’s not something I want to deal with at the start of the race. Please, God, don’t put her on my team.”
These were literally taken word-for-word out of my journal day 2 of training camp. I was not excited to get to know her and didn’t want to be around her.
After 3 team building exercises and 4 days of getting to know my squad, surprise, teams were announced. Guess who was on my team? You got it! The last person I wanted. I was so frustrated and confused. I asked the Lord to challenge and stretch me this next year, but I was still blindsided by how soon that growth would happen.
Month 1 was all-squad month and I am so thankful my race started with the entire squad and leadership because it was TOUGH! I knew being on a team with this girl was going to bring up things that I needed to address sooner than later. It took me a few weeks, but I finally got the courage to sit down with her and lay out my heart. I was so scared because I had no idea if she was going to meet me with grace or completely shut down. 3+ hours later, sitting on steps overlooking fallen mangos in the DR, we spoke so honestly with one another and came to the realization that we had both entered the Race with so many preconceived thoughts of who we thought each other were and were waaaaaay off!
Once sitting down and having a conversation, the Lord began to move in our relationship. At training camp and even at Launch, I had come to terms with the fact that I’m not called to be friends with everyone, but I am called to love. “I may not ever be her friend, but I am going to try my best to love her!” I had no idea what that would look like and I knew it was going to take a lot of effort on both our ends, but I was willing to try.
Guys, let me tell you how worth it it is to give God your yes and try, even if it looks messy. Don’t leave people in the dust because you don’t like them. The Lord has shown me so much of himself through my this crazy friendship. She is full of grace and understanding, is so intelligent, has a slight obsession with dogs, is reliable, sarcastic, and loves me so well! We went through the trenches with one another and daily had to choose to fight (not physically, although one of her catchphrases is “fight me” lol). We spent 4 months living, growing, and doing ministry together. I can tell you for a fact that this girl is a dear friend. We may not always see eye to eye or understand each other’s humor, but I’ve learned to treasure the relationships God has blessed me with. We are all His children and each made so uniquely, yet perfectly.
If we chose to throw in the towel and ignore each other, my Race experience would be so much different. I honestly don’t know if I could have made it to month 2. I have grown so much as an individual because of her and thank God every single day for walking with with me and guiding me through the many uncomfortable, yet beautiful conversations. We would have never realized how similar we were and would have stunted the work God wanted to do in our relationship. I laugh every time I think about where we’ve come. I never would have imagined myself missing her or wanting to send her pictures of all the doggo’s. God is so faithful and so good! Before coming on the Race, I had heard of people being on teams with their nemesis and by the end, becoming best friends. I laughed and rolled my eyes so hard when I thought about her and I being best friends by the end of the Race. Well, it’s month 5 and let me tell ya, we’re pretty good friends and God continues to grow and deepen our friendship!
Give it time and trust that God is always moving and He often blows us away when what our minds comprehend as impossible, He makes possible.
Thanks for stopping by and as always, please leave your sweet comments! Love you guys 🙂
~A
