Nicaragua,
How do I summarize what you taught me? Because honestly, I didn’t want to like you.
You were a hard month for me.
By hard, I mean things like 5am wake up calls. Having one of the worst migraines of my Race and no wifi to do what the child in me wanted, which was CALL MY MOMMA. Having continual migraines the rest of the month. Doing manual labor that wasn’t just painting or sweeping.. it was straight up sweaty and dirty and took some strength that I wasn’t sure I had. Hacking up plantain trees & pulling out the trunks isn’t something I trained for before launch, ya know? You involved a lot of hard conversations and uncertainty about where I stood.
For me, you were an introduction to the hard things that I was warned about. The ones that bring a lot of growth but the ones that sting a little and force you to swallow your pride. The things that aren’t my first choice but regardless, will still produce g o o d fruit.
So, Nica – I want to say a ridiculously genuine and joyful T H A N K Y O U !
Thank you for teaching me that bringing my first fruits to God will be a sacrifice and an honor, intertwined with all of the goodness I could imagine.
Thank you to Scott (our leader at the farm) for challenging us with scripture, eternal questions, and using the time we have with intentionality.
Thank you to Amber (a fellow missionary at the farm) for showcasing the fullness of God’s joy in every opportunity given to love on Nicaragua and her people.
Thank you to Diane (another missionary at the farm) for holding us to a standard of punctuality & honor – for always laughing with us and speaking life into us.
Thank you to Nathan (aaaaanother missionary haha) for being a prime example of what dedication to obedience of God’s voice looks like, for never failing to create laughter & great conversations, for your pursuit of the heart of God.
Thank you to Julio & Jessie & Daniel & all of our other translators or ministry partners for e v e r y single time you drove us somewhere, pushed us to step outside of our comfort zones, and helped us facilitate conversations & evangelize. You are each such a pure reflection of the way that we should put others above ourselves, and that loving God is loving His people. Your hard work & honesty was an incredible example.
I learned to love the 5am prayer and 6am sunrises. They burrowed into my grumpiness and sprouted appreciation for the newness of early mornings and the gentle way that God wakes up the earth.
I appreciated the manual labor we did, because even though I thought I couldn’t do it, I DID IT. And we got to see the progress and help that we were tangibly bringing to the farm and it’s community.
I hated having so many migraines, but I felt so seen and loved by the people of my squad as they checked in on me and prayed over me.
Having hard conversations brought new depth to some of my friendships with teammates, and I felt relief in knowing that it didn’t equal a negative one.. in fact, hard conversations were because I loved people or people loved me enough to call each other higher and speak to the person that God says we are.
& as long as where I stand is determined by where I think people have placed me, I will always feel inadequate or unsure of my place & identity. But knowing this is an area I needed to grow in, I was able to start identifying those thoughts & submit them to Jesus. It doesn’t mean I’m great at it but I’m better than I was, and I know in my bones the truth of how I stand with God – fully loved and wanted.
Nica, you weren’t what I expected – that’s why I wasn’t sure if I liked you. But, once I realized that you were exactly what I needed, I fell in love with you. God used you & your people to bring me into a deeper place of dependence on Him and His opinion of me. He used you to show me the importance of giving Him the firsts of my life, not because I have to but because He can do SO much more with it than I ever could.
I am forever in love with the way that God sees you, Nicaragua. I thank Him for allowing me to see you through His eyes.
xoxo, Alyssa
