The World Race is comparable to drinking through a fire hose. You have very, very little time to be on your own, to escape and be “independent”. Being independent really isn’t an option on the Race, and it’s honestly broken me of thinking it’s a good quality to have. Before the race I thought being independent was great, and I loved it about myself. I loved being confident and stable on my own. I didn’t need (or want) to rest upon anyone else or how they treated me to be happy. I was proud of it.
And then my pride broke me.
Pride showed me that I can be independent, that I can survive on my own, but where does that leave me? I’ve realized it leaves me without a real and true relationship with God, my friends, or my family.
Ultimately my pride in being self-sufficient has been getting in the way of my relationship with God. My Creator. My best friend. And that is a problem. It’s not who I want to be.
And so here I am, month 7. I have been slowly broken of independence since month 1. Honestly, I’m still walking through it. But my community on the Race has kept me accountable. Because I really don’t have a choice to be independent when I’m in community 24/7. To escape is not a choice. You’re stuck. But “stuck” is clearly right where I need to be.
Humbling.
I am still processing this as my fingers type, so it’s something I’m clearly walking through currently. I don’t want to be independent or closed off from others. What’s the goodness in that?
To prove myself?
To whom?
Proving that I don’t need God?
That is not who I want to be anymore. I want to dive into my relationship with Him and say goodbye to my prideful, independent self.
So what does that look like you may ask? Because I’m still trying to figure that out. I can tell you that dependence on God is what got me to where I am today. I would not be traveling around the world for a year sharing the love of Jesus had I continued in my ways of depending on myself. I’d probably be stuck doing a job I don’t love, which is one of my biggest fears.
Dependence on God to me means simply surrendering myself to Him. To put my pride aside and let Him take the driver’s seat. Much easier said than done, I know. But walking in this and reminding myself daily that life is so much better when He’s in control. That’s the type of life I want to live.
– A girl trying to break her pride
Proverbs 11:2
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
James 4:10
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up”
