A Sandwhich. I kid you not, I do not consider myself a foodie but you know your missing home when you find yourself dreaming about eating a good old fashion bulky roll roastbeef sandwich. My other desire has been a tuna melt from the Roundabout diner in Portsmouth with their amazing fries and a shake. Walking in the grocery store in every country is like going on a treasure hunt. More often then not with very little English on display it is a guessing game. Sometimes you win like I found Kraft mac n cheese and an off marshmallow brand that tastes amazing. I also have found only one food that has been in every country coca cola. Pringles and snickers hold a close second. But that all being said I have also learned that shopping malls and grocery stores bring me a sense of peace. I love figuring out a grocery store. It makes me feel more at home if I can go in and know where something is. It’s like assessing any situation but unlike people gatherings a grocery store doesn’t change around on you.
Packing is another area where I am starting to feel more familiar. I have it down to only a one or two min search if someone asks to borrow something. With only 5 months left it is making the amount of things shoved in my bag more manageable. Way less overwhelming then 11 months worth of things. Also I am learning about my insecurities when it comes to the unknown. I have been letting God unpack my luggage from the past but I am still tip toeing when it comes to jumping into the deep end on this adventure.
My prime example is my food bag. My team will chuckle but I am a mom thru and thru. I always have a good bag packed full of snacks for the travel day and also just, I am a junk food person. I had one can of peanut butter for 2 months, my teammates eat theirs in about 2 week cycles. I don’t love peanut butter but it is a safe food, a good back up. Most of the food is a back up. I was worried about what I would eat in a few of the countries and carried too much with me on travel days. My bag of food is heavy and over kill. I have lugged it through airports, bus stations, train stops and on and off countless taxis. It is a pain in the but somedays but I never leave without it.
This last travel day I realized why. It is one thing to pack a sandwich or two for a 3 day travel day. It’s another thing to pack enough food for a week when you know you will get there in 3 days. I was not trusting God with what I would eat at all. He cares for the birds and knows the number of hairs on my head and I was being anxious about what I would eat. To add to my revelation when we arrived at our hostel I found out that I can literally throw a rock at the grocery store. It has lots of yummy fruits and veggies as well as American and local foods. I can leave my room and walk to it in 3 mins. That includes all 68 steps from my room to the front door of the hostel. I’m on the top floor again. But all that aside I really just felt God asking, “Don’t you trust me?”
Do I trust Him that all my needs will be met? Do I trust that the rest of fundraising will come in? Do I trust that my future after the race will be good? Do I trust that He has a plan for my future that will be more then I can imagine? Do I believe that my future husband is in His hands and in His timing? Am I living open handed with Jesus? I had a good talk with Him at 3 am on an overnight train to Chiang Mai. I put all the things back in His hand. I chose to unpack my spiritual food bags and unload all the guilt, shame and fear that I had been caring around. I chose to trust and let go of the things I can’t predict or control. Oh what a sweet feeling to let go.
The best part of all was the peace. I still don’t ‘know’ a lot of the answers for what’s to come but I do know who holds my future. He even gave me a tuna melt that was in a sweet oldie diner a block from where I am staying and yummy ice cream in a waffle cone. Today in cooking class my teammates showed the chef how to make sugar cookies that tasted like home. Little reminders about how loved I am.
I want to encourage you if you are holding onto anything that you just aren’t sure about, let it go and give it to God. He has the best plan. He knows the desires of our heart and as C.S. Lewis says, “He is not safe, but He is Good, He is the King!” You can trust him with everything.
( Also next month I told my team to hold me accountable, I am not allowed to carry a food bag to Cambodia.)
