Wallow: to roll the body about or lie relaxed in water or mud.
This is how I spent my ENITRE Monday. WALLOWING. Rolling around in bed, stuck in the muddy depths of my thoughts. I was missing training camp, feeling detached, and overcome with a huge feeling of loss. I was paralyzed in these feelings and, contrary to the definition above, I was NOT relaxed!
I couldn’t feel the intimacy with God that I had found during training camp. I couldn’t feel his presence with me the same way that I did a few weeks ago. I felt like I had encountered a summer fling with the Holy Spirit that fizzled out as soon as I got home and got back into my routine. I had “lost that loving feeling”….
But. today.
Today I woke up and I remembered.
I remembered that God’s love for me isn’t limited to one moment.
I remembered that God’s presence isn’t confined to one place.
I remembered God’s promise to me.
Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.
His love for me hadn’t left! His love would never leave! I just had to look around and see it!
This revelation immediately pulled me back to a moment at training camp. I was laying in my tent, woken up by the sound of the rain. I looked at the time and it read 5:00am. I still had an entire hour until I needed to be awake! However, I became memorized by the rhythm of the raindrops and had to stay awake. It was in that tranquil moment when God wrote this letter love letter to me:
As many raindrops as there are that fall from the sky, my love is MORE.
The harder the rain falls, the more I am showering you and covering you with my love.
Each drop of rain is a different reason why I love you. Get soaked in it.
Rain is the revelation of love that I have for YOU.
Sometimes my love in the rain may feel uncomfortable.
It may be heavy. It may come in a downpour or a light drizzle.
But feel ME in the storm.
Know that my love is in the rain. That I am with you in the storm.
Learn to see the rain through my eyes. It is beautiful and it is meant for you.
Your grandma and Madre loved the rain for a specific purpose.
THIS IS MY LOVE LANGUAGE FOR YOU, DAUGHTER
You could never count how many raindrops fall just like you could never count the amount of times I will bless you. Because I love you.
The rain will stop. But then it nourishes the Earth.
My love won’t stop. But the water will be used to nourish your soul.
This is the water from my well. Drink it in.
You love the rain for MY PURPOSE.
That is my way of communing with you.
Feel ME in the rain.
I had always loved the rain. But it was in THAT MOMENT when God revealed to me, why. He used this beautiful illustration to tell me how much he loved me. He loved me more than the amount of rain that was fell from the sky! That realization hit me HARD! I remember walking around that day so filled with love that I couldn’t help but smile! Oh how he loved me!
How had I forgotten that feeling in just one week?
So now here we are. It’s a new day and I’m rereading his letter for me. I’m reading it to remind myself of his love for me. To remind me that his love is so immense that not even the rain can summarize it! If God could do so much to make his love for me known, what was I doing to show the same??
So today I choose to show him. Today I choose to ferociously seek him like he ferociously seeks me. I choose to make this relationship one of mutual love. This will take work, this will take commitment, and this will take focus. But I’m here and I’m ready to dive in.
Today I choose to step out and get soaked in the rain!
If you are struggling with feeling alone or feeling detached. You are not alone and you are not alone in feeling alone. Ask God to reveal himself to you in a way that speaks directly to YOU. He will do it and it is a beautiful thing. He will never leave you and he will never forsake you. Just let him show you that he’s there.
Thank you for reading. Until next time.
Tee
