I feel like an over-dramatic teenager in saying this, but I’m so ready to die.
I recently spent 10 days at Adventures in Missions at training camp for the World Race. It was quite the experience, let me tell you. We worshiped morning and night, ate bugs, evangelized, worked out, camped, cuddled, taught, and listened. It was exhausting, but the good kind of exhausting that fills you up and gets you amp’d for what’s next in your life. Like, THE WORLD RACE! ONLY 2.5 MONTHS!
Honestly you guys, camp sucked for me a wee bit. I’ve just settled into my new role at Shelterwood, made peace with my friends leaving, and welcomed the newbies. Then, there I was at training camp, realizing that I’m about to hit another transition in leaving Shelterwood and starting the World Race with 40 new people. I had to re-tell my story, have surface-level conversations, and complain about fundraising. My human brain and heart were struggling to balance it all and grasp why the heck I was there.
I find a lot of similarities with my life and Paul’s in the New Testament, which is kind of scary because His life was frickin’ insane. The guy literally lived to share the gospel and heal and evangelize and disciple. Like, no Paul time; just Jesus time. I like his heart and his passion, but I never wanted my life to look like his. FLASH FORWARD TO AFTER TRAINING CAMP:
I have become like Paul. I can’t stand to be by myself because all I want to do is talk with my friends about Jesus and share Him with our kids, and even strangers. MY HEART HOLDS SO MUCH FIRE!
It’s overwhelming, though. This world is scary. Just walk into a high school. I can’t stand all the grossness and brokenness around me. So many people just don’t know how valuable, loved, and purposeful they are, but I am determined to show them that; to share Jesus, His goodness, and the Gospel. It’s just really, really hard.
I learned a lot at training camp, but the thing that has stuck most with me is how important I am. How much power I hold. How much I’m loved. The same power that rose Jesus from the dead lives inside of me. That is insane. So insane that I want nothing more than to die to see Jesus’ face and kiss His feet and thank him relentlessly for how much life He has given me and what He did for me. For us.
In his letter to the Philippians, Paul explained how he had found contentment in Christ, no matter what his circumstances. My thoughts are much like Paul’s in Philippians 1:23-24: “I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.” The guy was under house arrest for sharing the Gospel when he wrote this. He loved the Lord so much that he knew he had to suffer through his life on Earth to serve others and share Jesus with them. The Glory that is experienced living like that is incomparable to any other way of life.
Like Paul, I know that it is better that I live to tell of God’s gracious heart and how much He loves us than to live perfectly in Heaven. In Acts 20:24, Paul explains the purpose of his life: “But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus – the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” I am not about to be anything less than fully invested in sharing Jesus and His unbelievable works. Through training camp, God gave me eyes to see potential to heal, to pray, to speak, and to give. I’m giving the Lord and this world my all.
