Growing up this was never a very “acceptable” phrase to say. It meant that I was doubting myself and God, doubting the strength God has given me. This meant that the devil was feeding me lies – lies telling me that I am not good enough for God’s love, that I am not strong enough for this journey. But I’m not sure that has ever been the case. This phrase meant something else to me.
I am not strong enough.
Alone I am not. Alone I am not strong enough to fulfill this mission God has set before me. I am not strong enough to get through this year without complaining, without growing tired of the mission and weary from the cause. I am not strong enough to make it to Heaven alone. I am not strong enough to bring Heaven alone.
But that is okay because God is. God is faithful and God is strong. He has already and will continue to put a fire in my belly and a renewal in my heart to hold steadfast. To hold steadfast and trust in the fact that He will give me the strength to withstand the trials of this year, of this life.
I am not strong enough.
At times I fall into the false aspect of this statement. At times I fall to the Enemy and think that I can do this by myself – that I can draw strength from within and that I do not need God in all situations. I think I struggle with this so much because I find it so hard to accept Christ’s perfect love as an imperfect being. My love can be impatient, prideful, and selfish. God’s is forgiving, bold, and honest. That makes me feel less than and unworthy but I have to remember that there are not conditions on Christ’s love. I must remember that He has loved me through my times of weakness and given me the strength to carry on. I’m learning to become content in the arms of the Father & vulnerable in my dependence on Him.
I am not strong enough.
I say this phrase without fear and with haste because I was created with a depth in me that can be filled with nothing but Christ and there I find my strength. Through Him I am strong. Through Him I am.
“Honor and majesty are before him; strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.” Psalm 96:6
