Right before Christmas my dog, Eisenhower “Ike” almost died. I got Ike, a red Australian shepherd, when I was in tenth grade, and going through a phase obsessed with U.S. Presidents (our other dog is Reagan, a blue merel Aussie). Ike got checked into the vet in the morning on December 20th and he was so sick the vet admitted him. Late into the even the vet called us and told us to come pick him up and rush him to the pet hospital ER. My mom and I rolled up to the back door of the vet, it was dark and rainy. When I lifted Ike up to put him in the car, he had this look in his eyes. He looked like he was going to die right then, that night. My mom frantically drove to the pet ER, and Ike was rushed to the back room. Apparently his heart rate was crashing, we almost lost him.
December for me, has been about preparing to leave my life in the United States and depart on the World Race. It has been a time of goodbyes and uncertainty, knowing life here will go on in my absence. I’ve caught myself thinking, ‘I’ll see you in a year.’ But that’s not really true. Any number of things can and will happen while I’m gone. When I really think about it, our human lives (and doggie lives too) are fragile. It doesn’t take much to send them into a tail spin. Seeing my poor dog dying at the vet ER, I remembered to enjoy life today, tomorrow is not guaranteed.
This last year I have watched people go through extreme loss and uncertainty. My co-worker who lost her son in a school shooting in September shortly after she lost her husband. I facilitated the last visit between a birth mom and her children, as her kids moved on to be adopted. People dear to me have been diagnosed with cancer. I’ve worked with drug addicts to walk away from you only to go off the radar for weeks or months. The present moment is fragile, its terrifying, its precious.
The past is gone, and the future is not guaranteed, the present moment is all we really have. So if today is all I have, why don’t I cherish it? Why have I not discovered the gift of being present in the moment? I know I am not alone. As I look around, I see an entire culture around me, escaping from the present. For some they sink into their past resentments, regrets, past choices, depression over how life has gone, and guilt of what hasn’t been achieved. On the flip-side, some use their anxiety, stress, and worry as a subterfuge-like slingshot, jettisoning their minds into the realm of “what could be” and evading the present moment all together. Others of us are captivated by distractions. My preferred method of drowning out my worries and guilt is via Netflix and Mexican food. When combined, they are quite an effective stupor of distraction, short-lived bliss, and apathy. But coming out of this stupor is the worst distraction- hangover anxiously trying to think through my life, reconnect with God and the present moment.
As I reflect on how I’m living my life, I know I could do a better job. I want to find joy in the little things, and I want to be better at meeting uncertainty with acceptance. I want to be the kind of Christ follower whose faith is grounded in the understanding of God’s sovereignty. I want to have faith like the bible verse in James 1:17, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” But having joy in my daily circumstances and believing in an unchanging God means being present to what is around me. It means availing myself to the present moment, taking in the fullness of my present circumstances, and seeing God at work throughout. More simply, I believe God gives each day to use as a tremendous gift, one to be graciously enjoyed. When I think of my coworker who lost her son, or all the people who lost their homes in hurricane and massive fires, to those who were diagnosed with cancer, or who lost someone close to them, I believe they would go to great lengths to enjoy one more mundane day of their former life.
This Christmas my family acted a little weirder than their average weird. My sisters kept saying “but this is your last Christmas.” My response was, “what am I dying?” When you leave your daily life behind in the US to embark on an international adventure of mission work, the people around you get sentimental. I could tell my family was trying to be present with me, and I with them. At one point I looked out a my dad, who for a few years a while back was gone while my parents were divorcing. This was a dark time in family, and there were several excruciating Christmas holidays celebrated with a broken up family. Long (and crazy) story short, my parents decided to get back together and we’ve had numerous Christmases since. But this Christmas, as we all wrapped presents next to each other, made sugar cookies, bickered with one another, played card games around the dinning room table, I was incredibly thankful to be present.
And back during those sad Christmases, with my fractured family, I would never had though I’d get my family back like it is now. And even though we are dysfunctional, we fight, the house is a mess, and the dog is sick, my best present was being with them. My best gift is waking up in the morning with more time.
There are some verses in the bible that usually people relate in a totally different way, but I think it applies in this context too: 1 Thessalonians 5 :16-18, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I believe this is the simple formula to being present: we are to joyfully embrace what you have right now, and resonate our thankfulness to God. Joy and thankfulness are really both different sides on the same coin. Embracing your present life is not easy, and there are some people who I know who a struggling pretty bad. My heart goes out to you. And I pray even in your valley of the shadow of death, you can still find God walking alongside you.
In 2 weeks exactly I will be at Launch for the World Race. I will be flying back to Atlanta, Georgia and getting my last bits of training before boarding a plane for Haiti. But instead of spending these next two weeks frantically trying to schedule my goodbyes, stress out about packing, or setting goals for next year, I will get up tomorrow and just be present with those around me. I guess I am officially declaring my 2018 New Years resolution, Being Present. Because I’m done being that girl, dosed up on Netflix, guilt, anxiety, and Mexican food.
I hope you leave this post encouraged to live in the gift of today. After all, the rest of your life is, right now.
