The other day I posted an Instagram of myself with a bushel of rambutans. Shortly after I received a text from my mom that read, “You should probably post something about ministry too..” She is right. But the problem is, I often can’t.
Last month in Malaysia was another ATL (Ask the Lord) month. We arrived in Malaysia without a host and were relying on the Lord and His Spirit to guide us. We made our way to Penang, an island off the northwest coast of Malaysia, and partnered with a local organization there. We helped them prepare food and serve the homeless of Penang. We participated in their bible studies, worship and intersession, and church services. But the things that impacted me the most and changed my heart are hard to put into words and capture with a camera. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but honestly, I just don’t think that’s always the case.
The organization we partnered with does night evangelism on Wednesdays. A few weeks ago, we split up into groups and went out into the city. My teammate Ashley and I went with our contacts wife to the red light district in Penang. Prior to being on the field, the Lord had put victims of sex trafficking on my heart. I knew that He was preparing me for what I would encounter this year, but I didn’t realize just how much it would impact me. We spent the night with a young girl, whom we later learned was a lady boy, that had been working in the sex industry for years. She told us that her mother was incredibly sick with diabetes and unable to work. Because of the enormous hospital bills, and her lack of education, this was her only option for being able to provide for her mother. As she told us more about her story and asked us more questions about ourselves, she commented on how different our lives were. She was right. And walking away that night, my heart physically ached.
Throughout last month we also made friends with the manager of a local restaurant. During our conversations he mentioned that he was Syrian; and one night over dinner he opened up to my good friend Saylah and I about life back home. He talked about the street his family lived on, “death street”, that was often littered with bodies from bombings and snipers. He explained how his mentality had shifted to not caring about anything after seeing so many friends and loved ones die before his eyes. We sat and watched video after video of bombings that took place around his home town. It got to the point that I felt so physically sick to my stomach, he noticed and apologized. But it wasn’t the graphic nature of the videos that disturbed me. It was listening to someone who I had come to call a friend describe such a harsh reality as normal life. What has been happening in Syria suddenly felt so much more real and like a ton of bricks on my shoulders.
This year one of my biggest prayers has been for the Lord to burden my heart for what breaks His. Be careful what you pray for. These two nights broke me, and I mean really broke me. I cried more last month than any other on the race. My heart has felt like it weighed a thousand pounds and there are days that my stomach aches with a pit so deep it feels endless. I have been struggling to process my feelings of helplessness. All I can do is offer a listening ear and prayer. Yes, I believe in a living God who is merciful and sovereign, but it’s still hard and often times all consuming. I have been wrestling with God these past few weeks, and struggling to wrap my mind around things that I can’t control.
So friends, Instagram might be all fluff and rambutan, but what has really been on my mind and my heart is this. Please join me in covering my new friends in prayer. Sometimes in life that is all we can do – praise God for the opportunity to open our ears and hearts and pray for restoration and peace.
My team is now in Thailand and my parents will join me here in THREE short weeks! More to come soon. (Including all the videos I am behind on.. sorry.)
Love from Thailand, Sara
