Month 12
Pressing In
Well, it’s officially Month 12 in Cambodia! It’s almost been a year since I moved half-way across the world to serve as director at a Christian primary school. How in the world has a year gone by? It seems like it took forever and no time at all. I would like to apologize to my supporters, family, and friends for the lack of communication over the last several months (7 to be exact, but who’s counting). The only thing I can say is that I spent the last 6 months in a low place. I was avoiding, isolating, hurting, living in lies from the enemy, and mentally unwell. As some of you know, I went home in the month of November. It was meant to be a time of rest, rejuvenation and prayer. I was intentionally going to pray into what the Lord had for me next. Although my time home had tons of amazing moments it was not even close to restful. And as I headed back to Cambodia a few days before Thanksgiving, I wasn’t sure what was next for me.
Frankly, I didn’t want to come back to Cambodia, which I knew was a possibility of going home for a visit. As soon as I stepped off the plane into the heat and walked out of the airport to a sea of people waiting at the arrival gate, I wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else. Thankfully, the moment I got to school, up into my apartment and to my bed that changed. I felt safe. Over the next few days of returning to Cambodia, a mental shift began to happen. I began to function “normally.” I was recognizing the lies being spoken over me and accepted a challenge to have a heart of gratitude. Later, in the week I had one of the best sessions with my counselor, Tricia. There were many truths I was beginning to speak over myself.
I became acutely aware if I continue to avoid loving the Lord and myself whole-heartedly, I would never be able to serve effectively for the Kingdom. I have always loved the Lord, but there has always been an unwillingness to fully trust Him. And, honestly, I have never loved myself (not a pity party, just fact). This must change; it must be a choice I make, or I will be trapped in self-destructive behaviors and rendered ineffective for who knows how long. In my deepest part of my soul, I want better for myself. So, this next season is going to be known as “pressing into the uncomfortable”.
Not committing, choosing avoidance, staying in denial, acting on pride, reacting on feelings/circumstances are the areas I feel comfortable. Loving myself is uncomfortable. Trusting the Lord is uncomfortable. Continuing these negative behaviors and allowing myself to be led by my feelings is dangerous. Acting based on my circumstances in unhealthy. So, what does this all mean…
Favorite God Moments
– Truth: An absolute, non-negotiable standard = God’s Word. When I returned to Cambodia, I began The Armor of God study by Priscilla Shirer. The study is based on Ephesians 6:10-19. I am realizing the many ways I have allowed the enemy’s deception to control my life. It has been truly humbling, very challenging but extremely beneficial. I am putting together a plan of action and learning to become a fervent, precise and effective woman of prayer.
– World Race – Gap Year, unexpected blessing. I did not think it was possible to love this bunch of humans as much as I do. Like the 11 in 11 mission trip I did last year, Gap Year is a group of 18 to 21 years old, who serve for 9 months in 3 different countries. I am so grateful that they have come to serve at our school for the 3 months while in Cambodia. Their presence in this community is so needed. They are sowing seeds and the Lord is using them in mighty ways. Our students have fallen in love with them.
– Christmas Program – unspeakable joy. This year we were able to put on a Christmas program for the parents of our students and the community. Our kids performed Christian VBS songs with hand motions. Before each song, a student from the upper class shared the meaning of the song with their parents in Khmer. The students were teaching the gospel to their Buddhist parents. This is huge!!! They all did such a beautiful job and my heart was bursting like a proud mom. Gap Year shared the story of Jesus’s birth as they performed a nativity skit which was translated in Khmer. The night ended with the upper class singing Silent Night and a delicious meal of bread and curry.
– House Church. A place to come worship, pray, read scripture and discuss together as a body, celebrate communion together and be as you are. The Lord put the desire on my heart when I first got to Cambodia to start a church at our school. It wasn’t until almost a year later and with a like-minded community, we began our first church service at AAA. We are expectant to see how the Lord uses this church to bless the community.
Upcoming Events
Cliffhanger… can you feel the suspense? Back to what’s next in this new season of pressing into the uncomfortable. It became clear if I were to stay in Cambodia, I would be avoiding other responsibilities back in the states. Although staying in Cambodia is what I want, it’s time to commit to the uncomfortable and stop avoiding. On Feb 13th, 2020 at 12:05am, I will get on a plane and make my way to the other side of the world.
Cambodia has been my home for a year. My teachers and my students have become a part of my family. I have met incredible people and made beautiful friendships. My heart is grieving, but at the same time, I am so grateful it will be hard to say goodbye. There is so much to be done, I still have a lot to learn but my time here has taught me so much. So, when the time comes to take the leap, I am trusting Papa.
Prayer Requests
– The transition back to the states. My desire is to have unwavering faith and that I would choose to live the life I feel called to and not be concerned about the approval of others or what the world perceives as the normal way to live.
– Living with community. I am looking for a place to live for approximately 6 months, in the Maryland, DC area. I won’t be able to afford much, but I am expectant the Lord will bring the perfect opportunity.
– Transportation. When I return home, I am looking to borrow, lease or take over payments, possibly. Prayers for the Lord’s provision is greatly appreciated.
– Ace American Academy. Please pray for our school. Please pray for the Lord’s continued blessing and favor. Over the next several months we will be losing most of our teachers and there are many positions that need to be filled. We trust the Lord is already calling people who have a heart to minister to children and teach.
Final Thoughts
I am so grateful for all my friends and family who have continued to love me so well through this journey. To all my monthly supporters who have graciously donated over the year, I am so humbled. Each of you made this last year possible. I trust the Lord has blessed you through your provision. I look forward to seeing you in person when I return.
Over the next several weeks, I will be choosing to stay present and feel all the “feels”. To just be with the ones I love and try and cherish every moment. Once I return, I will continue to seek the Lord’s leading and take one step after another into my calling. It’s going to be big; I can feel it, can you?
Xo,
R
