Seven months ago in Nicaragua, our leadership team asked us what our favorite memory was from the race, thus far. They asked us to write it down.
A few days ago, I stumbled across my answer…
“My gut instinct is to say hiking volcanoes, surfing, or hang-gliding. But when I actually take a second to really think, my favorite memory would have to be last month in Honduras.
We were at a church service that a local teacher had invited us to. It was an awesome church service! Leaning more towards the Pentecostal side which is my background so I was feeling really at home and God’s presence was absolutely there. I could feel Him so close and I hadn’t felt Him that tangibly in a long time. I wanted to stay there. I didn’t want Him to leave. I stayed at the front, even after everyone was done praying, all I wanted to do was stay there in His presence, but someone came gave me a hug, and quickly and quietly asked me to sit down.
But I just couldn’t leave His presence. When I feel God that close, its because He usually has something to say to me, and I hadn’t heard what He wanted to tell me yet. So I went outside and sat in the grass on a hill just outside the doors. I watched the full moon and just sat and prayed and begged God not to leave.
His presence is SO sweet. Literally nothing can even come close to it. No words can describe. I used to be afraid of dying and living forever because I was worried that I would get bored! But having experienced God’s presence so close, there is NOTHING I would rather do for all eternity than to just simply sit at His feet in His presence. It’s so hard to leave it. SO hard. I find myself just asking God to come back now so I don’t have to leave His presence or how long I have to stay here and be away from Him, because this life seems so trivial compared to what waits on the other side.
Anyway, while I sat there, crying, begging Him not to go, I felt Him speaking into my heart.
Asking me if I would follow Him, no matter the cost.
I knew what that meant. And I sat and thought about it a long time. It was a grave question. And I knew He wanted a serious answer. Almost like a covenant.
So I finally spoke,
‘My desire is to do Your will. And your will is that none should perish but all would come to know You. And I am willing to do whatever it takes to see Your will fulfilled. Even if that means sacrifice. Even if that means giving up being married, or having a family, my health, or even my very life.’
As I said these words out loud I was almost trembling with fear, but also I meant it with my heart. I felt a peace come over me, like He was pleased. And then He was gone.
I have NO idea what God has planned, but that encounter with Him has been my favorite memory so far for sure.
It’s so incredible, the things He has been revealing to me that I may be asked to step into. It’s also scary, because its big, and it means sacrifice. But the more I learn about Him, His nature, His goodness, the more I dwell on His indescribable sacrifice of love, the fear dims and I’m only filled with awe that He would ask me.”
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”
Matthew 16:24-26
“As you yield your heart, mind, and body to Him, He will grant you the grace for every step of obedience He calls you to.”
Leslie Ludy
“Father, let me…
loose my clutch on everything temporal.
My life, my reputation, my possessions..
Lord, let me loose the tension of the grasping hand..
Open my hand to receive the nail of Calvary, as Christ’s was opened…
He thought Heaven, yea, equality with God,
not a thing to be clutched at.
So let me release my grasp.”
Jim Elliot
Faith and Hope from Malaysia
