My dad at times wrestled with if he was doing enough for the Lord or doing the right thing.
That struggle and mentality has very clearly trickled down to me…. I’ve noticed it for a while.
And now I am going though a deeper part of being freed from it.
One of my dads forms of creativity was music, first with drums, than guitar and also with some song writing and being in Bands. You know, christian dad rock bands. Some that played in churches but also in clubs and bars. Rock music that had a good message, where every band memeber also was Christian.
But even with that, he was dissatisfied at times, wondering if there was more… or if he should do it in a diffeent way or just drop it all together.
My dad was Not feeling adequate before God (which is partially right, because we are not adequate, because we are not God, and we cant make ourselves whole. Only God can).
Today I prayed to God and asked Him to tell my dad that I am here on earth beginning to understand that You, God are so creative and versatile, and even in our sin, You can only see us in love.
I took some time today on a Sabbath (rest day) to climb some rocks and watch the waves from Muttenburd island. There, while singing to God, and knowing His love for me… I pondered how each wave splashed on the rocks with a diffeent impact, each splashed in a differnt direction, some had more power, their Crest formed unique patterns, i’m convinced that each one was differnt.
God has made this entire creation for us, and us for Him… so why would he confine our creativity, deeming some not as Holy or rightuous.
Our God is abundant and infinite, and so are the ways He has given us to worship Him and co-create with Him.
The last week I saw my dad, laying in the hospital bed, I was talking to him about things in life I wanted to do… and he said “you can do anything do anything you want”. He said it so confidently. I think my dad, closer to death, and closer to God’s glory could see more of How Wide His love for us actually is.
And I know my dad is experiencing that fully, right now.
I just want him to know that I don’t plan to be held back by what the world deems as secure or worthy of my time. Nor will I be held back by wrong thinking: not doing enough for God.
Because I have decided to not do anything For God anylonger.
I have decided to only do things With him, in relatuonship.
Because doing something for Him, even from a right intention, of wanting to serve and obey is not always relational.
I’m getting a deeper picture of Luke 10:38-42
The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, “but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Matthew 6:20
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves don’t break in and steal.
God wants quality time, and He isnt mad or pickey when we explore differnt forms of worship, creativity and pathways of connection.
I just want to desire Him more and work on relationship, and from that, the service, obedience, and perfection will grow… only though His refinement… not of anything I can do.
It is not mistake in the english language that in the word BEFORE that BE comes before FOR.
BE with God before you do things FOR Him.
Our Father God is not a parent that stops at working for a roof over our head/ food on the table then doesnt sped time with us. He is the most relational, emotionally deep and the author of Creativity. He is the Creator of all things we need and beyond.
