I’ve been contemplating on how I should share my World Race story. It overwhelms me with stress and anxiety. It’s not difficult to share my experiences, stories, and the amazing things God did this year in both my life and the people I’ve met. The difficulty in sharing my story, is how do I put it in writing? How do I summarize it in one blog post? How do I not write a novel so I don’t lose your interest? Do you have an answer cuz I’m baffled…
On the race, we have had A LOT of check-ins, with our teams, leaders, mentor, coaches, etc. A time to share how we are doing. One of my favorites is ESP. Checking in Emotionally, Spiritually, and Physically. So that is what I am going to do for you. This is a three part blog series to give you a glimpse into the person I have grown into during the race.
EMOTIONALLY
It’s really difficult to separate Emotional vs Spiritual because a lot of my emotions come from knowing God better. Learning the ways that Jesus treated people in the Bible and how He handled his emotions. Christ was happy, He wept, He got angry and flipped tables, He rejoiced. We are made in God’s likeness, part of that likeness is to feel.
I want to you to know the full experience of my race, therefore I am going to be 100% real and vulnerable with you (even though I don’t).
Feelings and emotions, something that I never handled well. Before the race, I would stuff emotions, if something upset me, it got pushed down, if I was sad or depressed, it got covered with a mask, if I was angry, it got stuffed. I viewed emotions as a sign of weakness especially sadness. Not healthy. When my jar of emotions got too full, I would explode, typically in arguments with my family. Anger is a secondary emotion. There is always a root behind it. During the race I have learned to recognize my different emotions and experience the full weight of my emotions, how to process them well and trusted God that He would speak through them. That He would give me the answers to why I was feeling the way I was.
When we are unable to express our emotions, we limit our ability to love God well. When we can’t love him well, how can we learn to love others well? Through check-ins on the race, I have learned how to express my thoughts both verbally and non-verbally. Non-verbal expression is very important. Often times I would say something, but my actions, and facial expressions would mean the complete opposite. Being aware of non-verbals is very important especially living in a different country and not knowing the language. People look at your actions and hear the tone of your voice over what you said. Someone once said “they are not going to remember the words that were said, but the tone of voice, and the way it made them feel.”
A huge thing I learned on the race was my sarcasm, and I’m still learning every single day. I used sarcasm as a defense mechanism when I was feeling emotions that I didn’t want to deal with. I would say things passively aggressively but say it was sarcasm. Or say something and then after say “just kidding” but am I really kidding? Most of the time, I’m probably not.
Choosing your words wisely when speaking is something I’ve also been learning on the race. Words are powerful. Once said they can’t be taken back. Words are used to construct and deconstruct. We have feedback almost everyday with our teams. It’s a time to build one another up in love. A time to praise them for the incredible things that they have done and do, but also a time to encourage someone in the things that they do. They may say something that upsets you and knowing how to express that in a loving way without angry or hurt or pain is hard. But God has taught me and has given me the words to say numerous times for feedback especially in the very difficult ones to share.
I think my most favorite thing that I have learned on the race, and have gone into this race with this as a motto, Become uncomfortable to make other comfortable. This really could fit under any of the categories of this “check-in”, spiritual and physical. There have been numerous times that I have become very uncomfortably emotionally. Whether that was when someone was breaking down and crying and sharing their story, or when my heart was beating a million beats per second and my stomach turning right before giving feedback to someone or working through conflict resolution.
I really hope any of this made sense for you. I struggled at writing this blog. I never know how to put my thoughts into words. Please reach out to me if you have any questions regarding any of this, or simply want to know more.
Blog #2 coming soon. My World Race Story — Spiritually
Today, November 22, marks 11 days left of the World Race. 11, hopefully long, days. Currently I don’t know what to think about it. A part of me is ready for it to be over, the other part doesn’t. I’m torn.
