Letter to God
Hey God, it’s me. Yeah, Nicole. I’m sorry we haven’t talked in a long time besides our typical team prayers. So I’m kinda struggling. I doubt your presence and Your power. I question it, and I am sorry for that. Can You show me and tell me what to do with my struggle? I want a two-sided relationship with You. I want to hear your voice and be unconditionally in love with You. I want to pursue You in all things that I do. I want to let go of all things in my heart that are not of You. I want to give You everything. Yeah, I need to stop saying the word ‘want’. I WILL form a two-sided relationship with You. I WILL fall unconditionally in love with You. I WILL pursue you in all things. I WILL give all things of my heart that are not of You. I WILL give you everything. Thank You for letting me know that want is not the right word. I don’t want You, I NEED You. What does that look like for You, God? How will You help me grow closer to You and trust You in all things? What WILL You like me to do? Amen.
I wrote this prayer in my journal a few days. I was struggling. I was struggling at praying to God and spending alone time with Him. I knew He was present, but I still doubted. I knew He listens to my prayers, yet doubted. I’ll admit, before the race and during one month, I hardly prayed. Unless it was before ministry, a meal, or a prayer our team did together. I hardly prayed to God personally. I don’t have a good excuse for it. When I wrote this prayer, I wanted to admit my struggle on paper and to God.
It’s crazy how God answered my prayer during the prayer. As I was writing, I continued without even thinking about what I was going to say next, it just came to me. God spoke to my heart and told me what to write and how He wanted me to pursue Him. I’m done talking about doing stuff. I’m done talking about the struggles I’m having when I’m not trying to fix them or better yet, allowing God to help me fix my struggle.
So from this point forward. I WILL pursue God with all my heart and soul. I WILL struggle knowing that God is there to carry me through. I WILL grow in my prayer life this year.
