I walked out of my room wearing a mini cheetah skirt with a tight low-cut v-neck shirt. I had loads of makeup on and struggled as I walked in 5-inch black high heels. It took me over 2 hours to get my look just right and head out the door.
That’s when my mom yelled, “Nettie, you can’t wear that to school!” I rolled my eyes, stormed out the door, and quickly drove away so I could make it to school on time.
I was 17 and from the outside it seemed as though I had it all together.
In reality, if you looked deeper, you would see a hidden hurt. There was pain behind my dark brown eyes that I kept within.
I was searching for love and perfection in all the wrong places, when all along I could have found it in Jesus.
I saw this same pain in a girl last week at the homeless shelter. She was outside the shelter yelling and screaming at another girl. They were speaking in Hindi so I couldn’t understand.
It seemed as though it had something to do with her child. The other girl she was arguing with yanked her child out of her hands and that’s when the girl lost it.
Her eyes welled up in tears and she started to sob.
Her brokenness hit me straight in the heart and I just prayed for her.
Crazy enough, last night I had the weirdest dream of this concept. In the dream I was wearing that same outfit I had worn in high school. I was shopping with my mom and after leaving the store she walked one way and I walked the opposite way.
After a few moments, I turned back to see my mom in tears. One of her shopping bags ripped and all of her items fell out of the bag. Instantly, I heard the word brokenness. I ran over to help her pick up the stuff that fell from her bag and put them back in the ripped bag. She put her hand on my shoulder and gave me a smile.
I really wasn’t sure if the dream meant anything. Regardless, when I woke up this morning I called my mom to apologize to her for the way I had treated her with disrespect in the past.
She thanked me but said “you don’t need to apologize to me.” Her response was “Nettie, you are called to not only stand but LIVE in the gap for others.”
“Whatever wrong, mistreatment, unworthiness, brokenness, etc. that others experience in life, you have the ability to speak truth and speak life to encourage and help them.” she said.
So today, I want to stand in the gap for you. Yep, YOU reading this.
If you’ve ever felt not welcomed, unworthy, unloved, as if your opinion or thoughts don’t matter, or any abuse you’ve experienced, have had your dreams crushed, or people mistreat you…I’m sorry.
You deserve more and you deserve to know that you are worth more.
To the girl that cried in tears at the homeless shelter, I see the hidden pain behind your eyes and I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to be broken, feeling the weight of life crashing down on you, it’s terrible. But please know this, you don’t have to do this alone.
You don’t have to hold back your tears, or fight to do this by yourself. When I met Jesus He dramatically changed my life. I’m not saying I don’t feel those same feelings or experience similar things like that anymore, reality is I still do!
BUT
The difference between the pain that I experienced when I was 17 and the pain I experience now is that I now have a sanctuary and YOU can have that to.
A sanctuary (refuge or safety from pursuit persecution or other danger) where I am safe. A sanctuary that sees me, runs towards me, picks up all my stuff and puts it all back in my broken bag saying, “I’m here for you and have always been here.” That sanctuary for me is Jesus and He can be that for you too.
Where do you go when you go through pain?
Or do you hide it?
How much longer will you stand there hiding the tears?
Jesus is always there.
Will you run to Him before everything breaks?
“Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
