Make sure to read my About section to get some context!
Who knew that after two years of college I would feel the call to stop mid track and follow my heart. God knows me better than I ever could, as hard of a reality check this is, it is amazingly true. Once I left my pride at the door, I could take a step back and realize all these little things have led to this point. Here’s a little insight into my last few months which have led me to make this decision to halt my education and truly listen to God’s call to go and serve:
It all started with something harmlessly fun that became misconstrued and led to my dismissal from my beloved sorority. I was not a passive member of the sorority, I was dedicated, ALL IN, and ready to become a leader within the chapter. This dismissal shook me to my core and I felt as if it was an attack on my character. Everyone deals with things differently, I internalized this hurt to a point of destruction. I essentially became depressed and did not know where to turn. Through my college experience I lost my path with the Lord and I never made my relationship with Him my own. After this whole dismissal ordeal, I felt an extreme draw back into the Bible. His words became my rock and dependence. Instead of my identity being bound up in calling myself a member of XXX sorority, it returned to being in Him.
As I drew closer to the Lord my prayer became “what am I even doing here?”, I cried “why am I somewhere where I am not happy anymore?”, and it turned into “where do you want me?”. I asked repeatedly without answer. Then one Saturday night I had the most dramatic meltdown and called my parents. While on the phone with them I kept hearing a little voice inside my head saying “Go, be my feet”. I have always known I was called to be the feet of Christ and spread His word to the ends of the Earth to those who need it the most. I just figured it was supposed to be after I got my degree and was a “real” adult. I had no idea it would be now, this 20-year-old girl, crying on the phone to mommy and daddy. I gave that little voice barely any attention, kept crying, and had a pity party. The next day I woke up and was casually scrolling through Facebook when I saw an ad for missions. Now, my usual Facebook ads are for makeup and bathing suits so this one caught me off guard. I immediately remembered the little voice in my head and I ran with it. I became a google fanatic, researching all kinds of programs. I once again called my mom and brought up this idea of taking time off school to serve. I had mentioned dropping out and seeking other options before, but this time it was drastically different. This time I don’t feel dramatic or as if I am running away from hardships, this time I know that NAU is not where I am supposed to be, and this time I feel God’s overwhelming peace telling me this is right.
I found that this sorority thing took me away from what I was really supposed to be doing. I realized that if I had never gotten dismissed I would never have been receptive to His call to serve. As destructive, heartbreaking, challenging, and trying this year has been for me, I am ever so grateful. So, thank you Sorority Who Shall Not Be Named for letting me go and propelling me towards my true purpose. But most importantly, thank you for helping me genuinely know and seek God for myself.
