March 17th, B Squad hit the half way point of being on the World Race. Like whoa. the past 5 months have flown by and right now, we have 5 days left in Cambodia before we have another debrief and head to Thailand for month 7!
I love the race and I can’t believe we have less then 5 months left. I also can’t believe we have 5 more months left.
TBH, I’m a little nervous to go home because at this point, I’m not really sure what that looks like. Which is dumb because I deal with the unknown every month! I LOVE this life, and a part of me wants it to never end, but another part of me has never wanted to go home so bad. Confused? Me too.
A close friend ask me how I’m really doing behind all the smiles…
Yall, I am tired.
I’m tired of not being completely independent.
I’m tired of wearing the same t-shirt 3+ days in a row.
I’m tired of long nights, where sleep doesn’t come easy.
I’m tired of working extra hard to maintain relationships at home.
I’m tired of pouring myself into people and rarely seeing the fruit of it.
I’m tired of calling a place “home”, and within 3 weeks being uprooted.
I’m tired of struggling with simple communication, because, foreign land, foreign language.
I’m tired of connecting with someone and then leaving, knowing I might never see them again.
I’m tired of seeing a problem, wanting to change it, but realizing people don’t change unless they want to be changed.
I’m tired of people thinking I’m something great because I followed my heart and decided to see the world while helping other people.
I’m tired of trying to live up to that expectation of being great.
A few other people on my squad have wrote about the same thing, so I tried to think of something else but the feelings were too strong. Plus its vulnerable and it makes my “dream life” seem like less of a dream.
I just wanted ya’ll to know that everyday on the race isn’t rainbows, unicorns, and puppy-dog tales. Miracles don’t always happen and sometimes we really have to fight discouragement.
Some of ya’ll might think I’m complaining, but this is me being real.
Do I have a TON of things to be thankful for? Yes! And I feel more blessed now then ever.
Is this a “once in a lifetime opportunity”? Yes! But anyone can take this opportunity if they just have a little faith!
Do I still think this is where God intended me to be in this season of life? I have absolutely NO doubt.
Am I human? Yea. I’m just as human as the person reading this, the guy behind bars, or that prostitute on the street.
Would I do the World Race again? Heck yes! Growth doesn’t happen inside your comfort zone.
I love the Race and I am going to finish strong, with everything I have. Anything is worth it to show someone how much they are loved.
Please continue to pray for B Squad, that we would have a re-knewed energy as we embark on the second half of this journey, that we would all finish strong, and that we would be reminded every day of why we started this in the first place.
Xoxo from Cambodia
